317: How to Meal Plan and Grocery Shop for 9 People

317: How to Meal plan and grocery shop for 9 people

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

I’ve been running a household for 12 years…almost 14 years married, but almost 13 years with kids. It has basically been my role is all the cooking, grocery shopping, and food preparation. There have been seasons where I enjoy cooking and I make super complicated family meals, and seasons where I just have to get the basics on the table to feed my family and that’s it.

I want to share some tips today that I’ve learned over the years about how to make a meal plan, and how to save money.
I want to preface this by this- like I always seem to be prefacing all my episodes…but I hate feeling like I have to make a meal plan. I don’t like to have meal plans in order to save money. That does not work for me. It puts a lot of pressure on me that I don’t like, and stresses me out unnecessarily. So I make a meal plan when it feels good. I make things from scratch when I want to, and it’s okay for me to buy something from the store instead of making it from scratch if I’m not up for it. And- I don’t always plan. I find my life works better when I plan, go grocery shop and have all the ingredients on hand for the meal, but sometimes I’m flying by the seat of my pants as well.

Okay, so here are some of the ways I meal plan, use up all my food as much as I can- I still throw away a sad amount of food which I’m working on getting better at. 

So- when I’m going to plan my meals for the week, I go through my pantry fridge, and freezer. I write everything down on a piece of paper that I have there. And then I can look at that list when I’m done, and see if any meal ideas come to me that would mean using up what I already have on hand. So if there are meals that come up, I will write that meal down as a meal for part of my week. 
When I’m in a more tough season of life with not much time or energy to make food- it’s really the most easy, simple and basic meals I can get. Sometimes it’s just scrambled eggs. Sometimes it’s pizza from the store. But then when I have the energy and I’m interested in it, I do look through recipes that inspire me, and I usually make things that I’m craving or sound good to me.

I actually have incorporated two days a week that I try to do the same every week. Tuesdays we have Spaghetti tuesday, which now that I’m thinking about it, my kids often pick a meal that they do as well. So in this whole process I will ask them what they want to make. I even more recently decided to see what it was like to do the same meal on the same day every week.

So before I even start this, I have an evernote note that is for meal planning and grocery shopping. I have all the days of the week, and I will then put the meal on the day of the week. I also look at my calendar for the week and make sure busy days have easy meals and less busy days are okay to have more complicated meals if there are any.

So then I write that meal down, and even if I do put it on Monday, it’s not absolutely tied to that day, I just want to have all the ingredients on hand for the week for these meals.

And then if I need to add anything more to my list for the meal that I came up with from my list that is what I already have, I add it to my walmart grocery cart. I now have Walmart grocery delivery. When I didn’t have anything like that, I would just put it on my grocery list, but now I just put it in my cart.

So- then when I buy all the ingredients, something that can be hard is that we have a house full of people that might eat the things I have bought to make food with. So I do have to tell people, no you can’t eat that, that’s off limits.

Then, there are things that I can make that are way cheaper to make at home than buy from the store, but I go in spurts with those. Bread, yogurt, kombucha, granola, are probably some of the bigger ones. I might buy them, or if I know they are going to get made then I don’t. 

One of the biggest things that has helped me in this whole process of grocery shopping and food preparation as it’s not my favorite job always, is taking away the pressure that it has to be a certain way. If I want to buy bread. It’s okay to buy bread. Just because 95% of people I know always make their own bread doesn’t mean I have to. Or just because it’s cheaper to make my own kombucha than it is to buy it, doesn’t mean that’s the only time I can have kombucha.

Taking away the stress of what it has to look like and what I have to do makes grocery shopping easier and funner for me.
Probably there are some of you who are way more strict and stick to your meal plan very much, and you are a lot better at being very frugal with your groceries. But it’s just not me. I do the best I can with organizing, using what I have, trying to use things before they go bad, but also- I try to notice if something is causing stress and just let it go. It’s usually coming from pressure I’m putting on myself of how it’s supposed to be looking.

So- there you have how I plan my meals, how I feed 9 people every single day breakfast, lunch, supper, snacks. It’s a lot, but also I just keep trying to make it simpler and simpler for myself as time goes on!

Let me know if this was helpful for you, message me at megan_hillukka! I would love to hear from you. And if you have any questions or particular topics you would love me to talk about on this podcast, message me on instagram as well!

I’m still hosting live classes, so if you want to join my live class where you will learn the secret to healing anxiety and trauma for good- go to my instagram, again megan_hillukka, follow me if you are not already, and then you will find the link to register for my free class in my instagram bio!
Take care my friends!

If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

316: 4 Things I'm Leaving Behind in 2024

316: 4 Things I’m leaving behind in 2024

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

This year has honestly been a very challenging year. When we started off the year, it was the most amazing and I was so excited for the year. But many things have changed and happened in the year, obviously good and bad, and quite honestly, I’m ready to move into the new year and leave some things behind in 2024.

I just went to a business conference that is a lot more about life and business than just business. But there are some things that became clear to me that I’m going to leave behind in 2024 and I want to share them with you.

1. Being a victim to my circumstances. Ya’ll.. I talk about this all the time. That your circumstances are not the cause of your emotions or thoughts or reality. And that you’re never stuck in anything. And yet, I was feeling so stuck in my life. I felt like there was nothing we could do to change our life right now. That we just had to deal with it, even though it was terrible, no fun, and we are on a rat race of doing too many things, being exhausted. I went into this business conference feeling like I was failing at being a business owner, failing as a mom, failing as a wife, failing as a homeschool mom, basically failing in every area of my life. Because it wasn’t enough. I had so much on my plate mentally and physically, that I wasn’t really doing any of it well.

I also had this feeling of not having a choice in the matter. All these things that were on my plate and I didn’t have a choice. I just had to do them.

At this business conference, I came to the realization that I had put myself in this box. And I didn’t think my circumstances could change. Or that anything could change. I didn’t think there was anything that I could let go of, or anything that could be different. I realized that this box is an illusion. The box is there because I put the box there. And that I didn’t need to be doing all the things that I was doing. Everything is not important. And I had to really think about what I’m going to let go of, and what I’m going to say no to.

So I wrote a list of everything that I do in my day. Everything that I think about and take care of. And I’m still in the process of this, but I’m going through each item, and either consciously choosing to take that responsibility back on me, or say I’m no longer willing to do this task. And then, I’ll see what Justin wants to take on, what we can hire out, and what we are just going to no longer care about and it’s not going to get done for now.

This feels so freeing, because now, I’m choosing my tasks, taking things back on. It’s not that I’m only doing things I want to do, but I’m choosing, am I willing to continue doing this. For example, one thing that was in the back of my mind was I needed to get Christmas cards out. I absolutely love getting Christmas cards. They are my favorite thing. And so I love to send them. But this year, I just can’t. And so I decided to consciously choose to not do them. Now, it’s no longer something that’s taking up brain space in my mind.
So- the box is gone- we have way more choice than we realize, and we are not stuck in our situation. That feels amazing, so I’m leaving the box in 2024 and the illusion of having a box.

2. The next one, fear of being seen and judged. I can’t tell you how scary it is to show up online, on Instagram, in this podcast, and share your heart, your thoughts, and your life's work with the world. For me, the more I’m seen, the more I can be judged. And yet- when I focus on the people judging me, then I’m not focusing on the moms living with anxiety and trauma that I can help.

I had a very clear connection with the mom who is struggling daily with very difficult anxiety and trauma, and I realized at that moment, why in the world am I worrying about what other people think about me, when I could be helping her? 

When I show up honestly and fully as myself, I feel so good. This may sound silly, but when I am fully me, fully present, and showing up in a way that feels good for me, I have like this bright yellow sunshine coming out of my heart. And I want to lean into that more. And not worry about if someone is judging me.

The more I show up fully as myself, the more I can help others in the way I know how.

And so, this, fear of being seen and judged I will leave in 2024

3. This one is still about being seen, but it’s from a little different angle. And it’s from the angle of when I’m hiding, I’m not giving to others. I’m not helping others. I had this amazing experience of getting to be on a panel where I got to share some ideas and skills with others about running their business. And I learned just in that little piece, where I didn’t feel like I had much to give, how much more I received from that. How many people thanked me, and came to talk with me. I also raised my hand at our lunch and had a little share that was very hard for me to do, because I haven’t spoken in the mic or showed up in that way. But again, so many people came up to me and thanked me. And there is this law, called the law of reciprocity, that you are paid back in what you give. And yes this makes sense, and I don’t want to show up to get, but I found just in these few things I did where I didn't actually feel like I had much to give but I gave what I could, and I got so much back, way more than I expected in return. So I see it now as this beautiful cycle- the more I give freely the more I receive back. It’s not an expectation filled circle, but just a flowing circle of giving and receiving is how I see it in my mind.

So- I’m leaving behind thinking I have nothing to give others, because then I’m not helping others.

4. I’m going to leave behind not believing that I deserve what I want or that I can ask for what I want. I didn’t realize this was actually a thing for me, because I do think I have been pretty good at asking for what I want, or finding a way to get what I want. My husband says I always get what I want. But I think I’ve developed this idea that I shouldn’t ask for what I want. That it’s bad to. Again, I didn’t really realize it was something I was doing, until this moment with my husband, when he called me when he was away for the weekend hunting. He called me on Sunday morning, and said everyone else is going to church here, but what would you like me to do? Do you want me to come home instead? And my initial first response, even though I needed him home and wanted him to come home, was to say, do whatever you want. And then I realized, it’s okay to voice my needs. To tell him that I wanted him to come home now. It has nothing to do with my husband not being okay with me asking, because he’s always willing to support me and do what I ask and if I tell him I really need something he is so supportive. But for some reason it has been hard for me to be honest with sharing what I really need and want.

That’s just a little example. And the bigger part of this for me, is feeling like I need to ask or find permission to do my business. Nobody in my personal life has a business. I should be more clear. None of my friends. All my friends are stay at home moms who have no interest in running a business of any sort, or if they do, they don’t want to do it now while they are raising their children. It feels hard to be different, so know that I have this deep desire to help people in this way, but when I’m not willing to ask for the help, for example get a babysitter, or create space in my life that’s specific for working, then it will be hard to show up in my business in the way I want and then I just end up frustrated.

So- I’m leaving behind in 2024 the need to ask for permission to take the time I need to grow and run my business. Instead of my dreams always coming last, I’m going to do what I need to do to be able to work towards my dreams. Again for some reason I feel the need to clarify, that this does not mean I’m giving up everything else, just that, I’m making space for me to be able to work towards this dream of helping others in this way on such a bigger scale!

If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

315: The 5 Reasons I Choose Home Birth Over Hospitals

315: The 5 Reasons I Choose Home Birth Over Hospitals

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

You may or may not know that I have never been to a hospital to have a baby. Never. And I hope I never do, though if I do then it’s for a reason and I’ll go there if I have to. But I’ve had 8 babies, and they have either been born at home, or at a birth center. 

My first 3 babies were born at home, and then due to insurance reasons and that our insurance would cover birth centers but we had to pay out of pocket for home births we switch to a freestanding birth center. Which was fine. But you still had to go there when you were in labor, and after you have baby, you can be there for 4 hours before you have to go home. The birth center is nothing like a hospital, it felt more like a fancy hotel. With a king size bed, a big bath tub that was for birthing, it definitely had a different feel.

I’m actually super glad I had switched to a birth center for my 4th birth, because 4 weeks before she was born, Aria died, and I don’t think there could have been any way I could have had a baby at my house that my daughter just died in.

So- my next 3 babies were born at the birth center, and that was all good. There’s a few differences I noticed about birth centers than home births that I didn’t like, and they were these. They are a lot more medically minded, and push a lot harder on trying to get you to do all these interventions or tests that I haven’t normally done. They are tied to red tape or protocols or rules that they have to follow no matter what, and there’s a staff of many midwives and so you don’t get to choose who your midwife is going to be, like in the hospital, you just get whoever is on at the time.

For my 7th baby, I went back to home birth and it was the best I’ve ever had. She came in 2 hours with just Justin and I at home, and my midwife got there 45 minutes afterwards. It was incredible and an amazing birth. And again, I plan to only do home births from here on out. My 8th also was. 

So there’s a little background on my birthing experiences and now I’ll dive into the 5 reasons I do homebirths.

1. I trust that if my baby is going to die, it’s going to die at home or in the hospital. One of my biggest fears before I had my first baby when I was planning a homebirth, was this idea that if my baby died at home trying to give birth there, how much I would be judged for it being my fault. Even though, I truly and adamantly believe that if my baby is going to die, it doesn’t matter if I’m at home or at the hospital. We can think there are deaths that are preventable…but they aren’t preventable, because they happened. And I have a deep belief that God is in control of my babies life, and if it’s my babies time to go, it doesn’t matter where I am. And I also believe that having a baby is the most natural thing we can do…God created our bodies to have babies. If there are no signs of high risk or no reason to be worried, I do believe having a baby at home is very safe.
   

Even after Aria died, I do still believe that my baby will die at home or at the hospital if it’s meant to. In fact her death cemented this belief in to me, because there was nothing I could have done to stop her from dying. We don’t get to choose. And so I’m going to have a baby in the place I feel the most comfortable, at ease, and I feel is the best choice for us.

1. I get to be in my own comfortable space with not very many people there. I like when it’s just my midwife, her assistant or whoever is working with her, my husband and I. I do not think I would do well with a crowd and a bunch of people. One time I had invited my mom and sister in law to come to a birth, but they didn’t make it because baby was born before, and afterwards I realized how glad I was because I don’t actually want anyone else there besides who absolutely needs to be there. That’s why I don’t use a doula or anything else. Just who needs to be there, and that’s all.

2. I get to have a relationship and connection with my midwives. A part of having a home birth is that you get to know your midwife, trust them, and they learn more about you and what you want for your birth and what you hope for. Obviously everything can change once you are actually in birth, for example I told my midwife and Justin to not let me push when it comes time to push, I just want my body to get baby out, so they tried to remind me when that time came and I said I don’t care I’m pushing. So- there’s that. If I were to give birth at a hospital, you don’t know the nurse, you might not have your doctore, you don’t get to choose who is there, there might be a million people in the room. I don’t know, I just like it this way

3. Sometimes people ask me how I got my husband on board. As they want a home birth but their husband is not comfortable with it. I didn’t have to do much. He hates hospitals, in fact he gets ill as soon as he walks into one. He also hates needles, so it’s been a good thing I’ve never gotten an epidural and he’s never had to see one! But in all reality, before I decided to do homebirth, I remember talking to my sister-in-law and she was telling me why she does homebirth, and I was like that sounds amazing, but I could never do it. Then when we got married and were expecting our first baby, we just decided to explore that option. We met with our midwifes, I listened to a ton of books, I watched a lot of birth videos on you tube. I learned a lot about birth. And ultimately I felt more comfortable giving birth at home instead of a hospital environment. So if there’s no problems, I like the less invasive, less intervention approach. And I also didn’t realize how much equipment midwives have with them when they come to a birth. Basically the only thing they can’t do is a C-Section, and they have learned a lot of skills to prevent a C-Section in many things that would have automatically been a C-Section in a hospital. So- once we met with them, and we realized how much equipment tools, and skills they have I have felt much safer at home.

4. Giving birth at home places a lot more responsibility on me to take care of myself, and my body. I like this reason of giving birth at home, because I do take a lot of extra measures to take care of myself. I am far from perfect, but if I’m going to be giving birth at home with the idea that I have no complications, I’m going to do everything I can possibly do to have my body the strongest and healthiest for birth, and my body and baby in the best positioning possible. I do a ton of mind work, visualizations, intention setting to get in the right head space and process and fear or anxiety I have about giving birth.  I’m not at all saying you can’t have this mindset if you go to the hospital, I just do think if I didn’t have this perspective when doing a home birth is would be more negligent.

5. A bonus one just because. I like doing things naturally. I like choosing what I want to do and not do. It’s changed throughout my babies and what testing and ultrasounds I’ve done and not done, and I like the freedom of choice to choose what I want to do. I like that my midwives offer me herbal remedies and supplements, they teach me different positioning and stretches to get my baby in the proper position. I can easily get my placenta and having it dehydrated usually by one of the midwives or someone they know, and I’m not at all look at like I’m weird. They trust that your body knows what it’s doing, they trust that you as the birthing mother know how to give birth and they also know very quickly if something is going wrong. But I’ve always been this way, where I tend to do things differently that everyone else, and homebirth is one of them, along with liking things to be natural if possible.

So- what do you think? Do you do home birth? Do you do hospital birth? I want to note here, that I believe the best place to give birth is the place that you feel comfortable at. For some of you, that’s at the hospital, for others, that’s at home or a birth center, or wherever. This is was an episode meant to shame hospital births, but just to share the reason why *I* do homebirths!

As always my friends take care!

If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

314: The Gift of a Trigger-Free Life: Why Healing is Your Job, Not Theirs

314: The Gift of a Trigger-Free Life: Why Healing is Your Job, Not Theirs

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

Here’s a hard truth.

It’s not other people's responsibility to not trigger you. It’s your responsibility to heal your triggers.

That might be hard to swallow. Especially if you are dealing with triggers a lot. But it’s how I see the world and I want to share some stories with you to share this perspective and way of thinking, and why this is so much better for you and those around you instead of everyone having to be so concerned if they are acting in a way that might trigger somebody.
Okay, if you haven’t had triggers, or maybe you don’t know what a trigger is, I’m going to explain it a bit from the way I think about it, so we are on the same page about what triggers are. From my own personal experience when I’ve experienced a trigger here is what it looks like or feels like.

I’m just going about my day, and then I see, hear, or think something that suddenly causes a reaction in my body or mind that feels uncontrollable, out of control, or super intense, especially like an “overreaction” to the situation at hand. It’s especially a trigger if you are the only one who is reacting this way. Everyone else is completely fine and even confused with why you are acting this way, but they don’t understand how intense the feelings and thoughts you are experiencing are.

So that’s what a trigger feels like to me. It usually doesn’t make a ton of sense, unless you know why you are triggered and you already know where it stems from.
I also want to lay a few foundation understandings before we move forward. 

One is- there is no shame in getting triggered. This is a thing that can happen to every human. So it’s not that a trigger makes you a bad person or wrong, it’s simply just something to heal. And you didn’t choose to have it, and it’s not your fault. 

Next- while I talk about choosing to heal your triggers and it’s not other peoples jobs around you to try to change so you don’t get triggered, there is also a piece of communication, respect, and working together towards the best solution for everyone.

And finally- I’m sharing this from the perspective of 100% belief that every trigger can be completely healed. You may not believe that currently. If you don’t- that’s totally okay, I hope to change your mind someday just by showing you that it’s possible and hopefully helping you experience what it’s like to live a trigger free life, and being able to heal triggers that come up, but I completely, 100% believe triggers can be healed. So if when I say, okay it’s your job to heal the triggers, and you might think- Megan, I’ve tried, I don’t want the trigger, but I don’t know how…I know how to..and it’s absolutely possible. But if you are feeling like you’ve tried everything and you don’t know what to do, and so then when I say heal the trigger it maybe gives you a little bit of a defeated feeling, or something. I’m not sure what feeling it might give you…just know, I’m not telling you that you’re wrong for not healing it…there is a way, and that’s why I share. And So this is the perspective I’m sharing this from.

I read this book called “The Coddling of the American Mind” and it was completely fascinating to me. You will have to read it if you are interested in this kind of stuff, but it really makes the case for how having all these trigger warnings, or walking on eggshells around triggers has actually created a worse situation for mental wellness and mental health.

Now, when I was living with huge trauma and triggers from Aria’s death, yes, I did ask my family members to not post pictures of their sleeping kids on our family chats. However, I was also doing everything I could at the same time to heal. So I want to have that caveat there.
I want to share a story of something that happened to me just the other day that really inspired this episode.

My husband Justin did something that really triggered me. I knew at that moment that my reaction was over the top. I knew that my reaction was unreasonable, that it wasn’t a big deal, and I kept trying to shake it off. At the same time, I knew that he knew that this was a trigger for me. So I was so confused and angry at him why he would intentionally create this situation for this trigger to happen. 

I spent the rest of the night very angry at him, because it felt like he was disrespecting me, not showing love to me because he was not aware of something that would trigger me and stop it from happening.

Okay.

That’s a real honest look at the thoughts that go through my mind before I process them, work through them, and come to a more solid understanding. I am also very aware of all of this time, that my thoughts usually are extreme, and they are very rarely 100% true. In fact they are very rarely even 50% true.

Okay. So later, I went and took a sauna by myself, and I was thinking about this and processing this. I came to this conclusion.
It’s not Justin’s responsibility to walk on eggshells around me trying to not trigger me. It’s my responsibility to heal my triggers.

I rarely get triggered these days, and so this time I got triggered it was super noticeable and obvious to me. And it just became so clear to me. Any time a trigger happens to me, it’s my job to heal it. Not Justin's job to try not to trigger me. 

So, when I was in the sauna, I took myself through some processes I took my clients through inside of Cleared where they can heal triggers, emotions, and feelings that just keep coming up and feel so intense. I took myself through that process, and we’ll see how it goes next time I face a similar situation.

There are some more things I can do as well so I am no longer affected by this at all. And this is the benefit. Not only do I no longer experience triggers, Justin no longer has to worry about what is going to trigger me or not trigger me.

I also want to clarify, after Justin and I talked about it later, he told me he didn’t realize it was even a big deal for me anymore, so he didn’t even think about it. This is like the joys of miscommunication.
But this is where you can take that phrase triggers can be your teachers. Your triggers show you what there is to heal. 

I actually had this happen inside of a Clear Mind Society Call where one mom was sharing an experience that just happened to her, and I was working through it with her, and afterwards another mom shared that her story brought up her own story that was painful that she’s been trying to talk through and heal for years, but she hadn’t talked about it in a while. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to have things come up, they come to the surface and you get to see it as a gift of oh look, this thing is ready to heal and I’m going to do something about it now!
So- now she has the tools to clear that and heal that trigger finally and for good, so that someday when she hears a similar story she doesn’t get that same emotional response again!

My friend, you get to do the work to heal your triggers. No one else can do it for you. No medication can numb you enough to heal the triggers. They are still there underneath the surface. The only way to heal them is to actually heal it at the root level so they don’t happen again.

This is the work I’m committed to do for any triggers that might pop up for myself, this is the work my clients are doing as well…what about you? Are you going to give yourself the gift of a trigger free life? That’s up to you my friend.

I have a free quiz on my website www.meganhillukka.com that you can go take if you’re wondering if you are dealing with anxiety, or if it’s just normal. Sometimes anxiety can be so confusing if you actually need to do something, or if you’re doing just fine but dealing with some things. Go take the quiz and find out!

If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

313: The Best Motherhood Advice I've Ever Received

313: The Best Motherhood Advice I've Ever Received

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

Today I got to bring some of my friends on the podcast for them to share some motherhood tips or advice that has helped them in their motherhood journey.

I had so much fun listening to each of these women share their thoughts. I’m so lucky to call them friends and I hope their thoughts and tips give you some encouragement and some love for wherever you are in your motherhood journey.

If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

312: 4 Hidden Mistakes Making Your Anxiety Worse

312: 4 Hidden Mistakes Making Your Anxiety Worse

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

I want to preface this whole episode by this fact. Everything I’m going to share, is a part of anxiety and there’s a reason if you’ve been doing these things that you’ve been doing them, because anxiety is so uncomfortable. So as you listen to these things- they absolutely make anxiety worse, but what I would ask of you, is if you find yourself doing these things, have some compassion for yourself, because it’s almost as if you can’t help it because anxiety is so powerful….and if you want help with these things, I can absolutely help you, and while they may feel impossible to stop, there are things we can do to help and make it a lot easier. 
Without further adieu, let's dive into these things…Again- you may find yourself doing some, you may find yourself doing all…just give yourself some grace!

1. Caring about it

The more you care about the sensations or thoughts that come with anxiety, the bigger they get. If you don’t care, they get way less. For example..have you ever noticed that if you’re anxious and then you start noticing that your chest is tight, and then you start really paying attention to it and getting more worried about it, it’s almost like it gets worse? And the anxiety gets more intense?

So this is where anxiety about anxiety comes into play. Where you care so much about whether you have or experience anxiety or not, that this is actually what makes anxiety worse if it happens to pop up. So not only did it pop up, but now it’s getting so much worse! How the subconscious mind thinks about this is this way- that the response that’s going on in your body is a result of fear response, which means, the subconscious mind has detected a threat, this could be real or imagined, and so because it detected a threat, all the sensations are happening in your body. So the subconscious mind thinks there’s a lion chasing you for example. And then, if you were to start getting nervous about tightness in your chest, the subconscious goes, oh my gosh, there must be 5 lions, so lets start ramping this up- thus anxiety and sensations increase.

2. Believing the thoughts/feeding them

It seems like I don’t have to tell you, but maybe I do have to say this, that 99.9% of thoughts that come from anxiety are not true or not useful. And the more you feed them, the more they come. Think of them like seagulls on the seashore. When you start to feed a seagull, what happens? All the seagulls come out of nowhere! More and more and more. So when you start feeding the seagulls, it just gets worse. It’s the same with thoughts. When you start feeding them, they also get worse. If you don’t have a way to just shut the thoughts off, which is what I do nowadays because I can communicate to my unconscious mind so I can turn them off, but when you can’t do that, at least stop feeding them.
But when you start to realize that if you’re having anxiety, and any of the thoughts that are coming in are likely untrue, then learn how to just be in the moment rather than feed them. Just watch them, and know you don’t get to choose your thoughts, thoughts just pop in your mind, So you are not your thoughts, you did not choose these thoughts, but you get to choose which thoughts get to stay and make a nest in your mind. Don’t let these thoughts live rent free in your brain.

3. Avoiding triggers and things that make you anxious

You may think that it’s better to avoid or quit things that make you anxious. It may feel better for a moment. Think if you were going to go away for a weekend, but it was making you anxious to leave your kids. And the anxiety was just getting intense, and then you decided to not go on the weekend away. This would momentarily bring a huge sense of relief. Because now you don’t have to go, now you don’t have to leave your kids, and the anxiety is completely gone. Well now, your mind just got rewarded for staying home and not leaving your kids. So now, next time you try to go on vacation, it will be even that much harder to go because the mind thinks it’s safer to stay home and it wants to keep you safe.

So while it feels good to avoid a trigger, it truly doesn’t do you any good to go out of your way to avoid doing these things.

4. Striving to be comfortable: this is kind of similar to avoiding triggers, because the reason you might be avoiding triggers or things that make you anxious, is because you are looking to be comfortable. One of my favorite quotes is when someone strives to be comfortable, the less comfortable they are, and the more comfortable someone becomes with being uncomfortable, the more comfortable they are.

I think of it this way…that when you go out of your way to do something that is uncomfortable, your subconscious mind automatically understands that it’s safe. Because no one would logically do something that is dangerous. But when you avoid things that bring discomfort, in seeking of being comfortable, then the mind starts to automatically label that as dangerous. So if at first, let's say someone started to feel uncomfortable getting on and off the freeway. And then in one direction, because it was uncomfortable and they were seeking comfort, they might start avoiding the freeway. And now, mind is starting to automatically understand that the freeway is dangerous because this person is avoiding it. And you only go out of your way to avoid things that are going to make you die, in the eyes of the subconscious mind.

On the other hand, if the person instead of trying to be comfortable and stopping going on the freeway thus making it more difficult to ever get on the freeway again, if the person instead kept going, and sometimes they might need to introduce new feelings and experiences surrounding getting on the freeway, this is something they could do inside of Cleared. My program, but the more they do it, the more mind gets it that it’s totally fine.

So can you see, in one scenario, the person got more boxed in and trapped where anxiety was controlling their life more, and in the other scenario, the person was able to expand their capacity to do things and keep doing the things they want to do..

Okay, there are the 4 things today that I wanted to share with you that are absolutely making anxiety worse if you find yourself doing them- again, they were caring about it, feeding the thoughts, avoiding things that make you anxious, and striving to be comfortable.

Again, if you are listening to this episode and you like it, let me know! Take a screenshot of this episode, share it on IG stories and tag me at megan_hillukka. I would love to see where you are listening from. And if you do that, I will send you a little gift to your IG inbox!

Next week, I’m so excited to share the episode with you- it’s a lot of my friends giving their best motherhood advice, and my friends are amazing, so I can’t wait to share them with you!

Until next week, take care!

If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

311: Job Systems for a Cleaner and Happier Home

311: Job Systems for a Cleaner and Happier Home

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

I’ve been chatting recently with my mom friends about chores and jobs for kids. So I thought I would talk about it here on the podcast, to give you some ideas if you are kinda feeling stuck or like you need some new energy with chores for your kids, or systems for your family. I will share what I’ve been doing for years. Obviously there are a million ways to do this, and it seems like everyone has to find their own system that works for them. However, I want to share this way of doing things, just as an idea, or a place to start.

First of all, before we even dive into that, let’s talk about why do you do this. Why would you have chores and jobs for your kids? Well, one reason is so you aren’t doing everything yourself. It’s exhausting to take care of everything and everyone's needs all the time, and as your kids get older, they can help out, so you don’t do all the work and you can have time to do other fun things with them. Another reason is that they learn life skills that they will need in their future. I didn’t grow up learning life skills…my one job was vacuuming the floor. I was very spoiled and my mom took care of everything. So my childhood was great, but when I got married, I found I had very little life skills- cooking, cleaning, organizing…they most certainly don’t come naturally to me at all, and I’ve had to learn them throughout my life. So I firmly believe in teaching my kids how to do things like life skills so they can be self-sufficient and take care of themselves as an adult.

I’ve found that it takes more time as they are little to teach them, and it can be kind of exhausting. They don’t do as good of a job as you would like, plus you have to teach them, it’s usually quicker and easier to do it yourself, but if you’re doing everything yourself it’s not quicker and easier. 

It is kind of like the hockey stick effect and graph. Where you are putting in the effort and work in teaching them it feels like forever, and you wonder if they will ever be able to do it without you guiding or helping them. And suddenly, you don’t have to do anything and it’s done. So that’s another reason to take the time and effort to give your kids chores and jobs and teach them how to help out around the house. They, at some point, do a really good job, without you needing to say anything, and suddenly your workload is way way lighter. 

This isn’t related to cleaning and chores, maybe it is kinda, because making bread could be a chore, but one of my children has learned how to make bread, and he can make bread start to finish without me doing a thing. It’s amazing. I can’t believe someone else in the house can make bread without me sitting by them, reading the recipe, checking in with ingredients, nope. I don’t have to do anything, and it’s glorious.

Okay- before I dive in, if you have a hard time giving your kids chores to do because you have a standard of cleanliness that you like and it’s hard to let go of that, and your kids don’t clean to that standard, I’ll try to give a few tips. I get it, because one of my kids vacuuming means my floor is constantly dirty no matter how many times they vacuum, or I show them spots they missed. Sometimes I do have to do a whole floor just so I can feel like my floor is finally clean.

So some of you might have a harder time with that than others, or than me. I have certainly let go of a lot in my house not only because I have so much else going on, but also because I see different tasks as not my job, I’ll explain this more.

So here’s how chores work in our household. My 12 year old down to my 3 year old gets chores. The younger kids get easier chores, and the older kids get harder chores, but I do think kids can do way more than you probably give them credit for. So I write everyone's name down on a piece of paper, and they each get to pick one job they want to do, and then I give them one job I want them to do. So they all have 2 jobs. They are completely responsible for this job every day for one month.

So some examples on our jobs list are bathrooms, counters and table, loading the dishwasher, unloading the dishwasher, vacuuming the floor, cleaning the living room, those kinds of things. The reason I do this for one month is I think it gives them a chance to learn the job really well, and to get good at it. And then they are responsible for something. If dishes need to be done, whoever is on dishes does them every time for that month. 

Then, when the next month comes, they switch jobs, I usually don’t let them do the same job because I want them to switch it up, and loading the dishwasher is the most loathed job in our house so that rotates out through the kids.

One thing that could be a blessing and a curse with this, I realized this after we were having a conversation with some friends about how they need to have the kitchen clean every single night before going to bed. And I was thinking about it and realized I do not always make sure my kitchen is clean every night before going to bed. Do I love a clean kitchen? Yes, but it doesn’t bother me if it’s messy going to bed. And I was wondering why, but I think here’s why. Is because when these jobs are tasked to specific kids, it doesn’t bother me because it’s not my job. Yes if it’s piling up I do get bothered, but I don’t usually take care of it, I tell whoevers job it is to come take care of it. But if there’s dishes in the sink, I don’t need to do them, because they will get done tomorrow by whoevers job it is. If there’s stuff on the counter, the person who is on counters can clean it up in the morning.

So I think that’s why it doesn’t bother me too much and why it’s a blessing because I am not stressed about cleaning or needing to stay awake to do all the things, but a curse, because my house probably isn’t in tip top shape maybe like yours might be. It’s still clean, but I’m sure it's far from yours!

This also actually works for me because we homeschool our kids. So my kids are always home. I can tell them to come do their job if it needs to be done at any time. So I’m not waiting all day long for my kids to get home from school to help out. But with them being home all the time, there’s also a constant mess being made!

I do not have a job list for myself, as I fill in everywhere else, and help out with kids as needed, and there is plenty for me to do that’s not being taken care of by the kids. But I do know some people who put their name down and then give themselves jobs, just so their kids can see that mom is working too. Because sometimes kids don’t even realize how much mom is doing, and if they don’t see you on the job chart they might think they do everything and you do nothing. So that’s definitely an option and maybe I should do that, I just haven’t. I also haven’t had my husband on a job list, he takes care of other things, though when he was home more he had a few things that he always took care of. Now his schedule is just not consistent enough or he’s not home enough to even have things on a daily basis that he takes care of. So hopefully in the future we can change that a bit.

So- there you have it. That’s how our job system works. It’s worked really well for me. We’ve been doing it for years now, and I haven’t changed it. I have not been a very consistent person in my life.I'm learning for some things, but this job system for some reason has stuck for me. It’s worked for me, and worked for my kids. Every day, they know what to do, their jobs, and their school, and they can get their job done before I even say anything if they want.

I’m curious, do you use a job system? Are you going to try this? Are you going to have your kids help out more in your home? I’d love to know! Message me at megan_hillukka on Instagram. And even better, if you screenshot a picture of this episode, and share to your stories, and tag me in your stories, I’ll send you a little gift in your inbox!

Take care my friends, see you next week!

If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

310: 5 Things I'm Doing in a Really Tough Season

310: 5 Things I’m Doing in a Really Tough Season

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

At the beginning of the year, Justin and I sat down, and had a planning meeting to dream about our year this year. We dreamed, we scheduled, we wrote, and it was so so fun. Little did we know that all our dreaming and planning for this in particular would basically all be turned on its head just a little while later and our life looks nothing like we thought it would at the beginning of the year. It’s been good things and changes, but this year has been incredibly hard.

We’ve been so blessed, and this past year has probably been one of the hardest years in a long time. Especially coming off of the last few years that were so so good. We were literally living our dreams, and then this year has been so challenging. It’s been challenging for our marriage, it’s been challenging for me, and it’s been challenging for Justin. I don’t think the kids have felt it’s challenging, but who knows.

Anyways. I wanted to share some things I’m doing when the season is very hard…yes it’s a season, and I know it is. I don’t know when the season of hardness will end, but I’ve definitely had more darkness in my mind and a heaviness in my life, and it’s  season, but a tough one…that I’m definitely ready for it to be over.

However, since I don’t necessarily have to necessarily choose when it’s over, here are some things I’m doing to make it easier on myself.

1. Doing things I love to do. For me, these are usually sports things, in particular volleyball and pickleball. I absolutely love playing both of those. But getting outside, or somewhere and being able to run and move and laugh. Filling my days with things I love to do even though life in general has been pretty difficult, helps make the days lighter. It can be hard as a mom to get out on your own, or prioritize fun for yourself, but seriously it’s so worth it. I got a gym membership for a few months so I could go to the gym and put the kids in daycare. They also had a hot tub and a sauna which was a major plus for me to just chill.

2. Taking care of my mind. This is probably actually number one for me. Because everything starts within the mind. So I have things that I do every day to care for my mental health and my mind. Keeping my mind clear is a high priority for me. Because I’ve definitely noticed, when I let that slip, or go a while without keeping space for this, things start to spiral or get a lot harder within my own mind. Things I do are different clearings and processes I have in Cleared. My program, silent meditations and just breathing, gratitude and sitting in gratitude for a while, being aware of triggers and things that make me emotional and either doing something to heal the trigger, or process the emotion. This is by far the most beneficial thing I can do for myself is make sure I’m doing what I can to keep my mental health stable, healthy and balanced. Because when that goes down, everything goes down.

3. Just letting myself be. Letting myself be crabby for a bit. Letting myself be grumpy for a bit. Not thinking that I shouldn’t be in a hard season because I am, or thinking that I should be doing it differently than I am, because this is how I am doing it. It’s kind of like an acceptance of what it is. Letting myself feel, letting myself be. And of course doing what I can to make it better, but also just being. With the ups and downs of life. Life is not going to be always easy, and this year again is a reminder for me, just like Aria’s death forced me to face that, but this year is a reminder again, that there are ups and downs, and it’s okay. It’s normal for there to be ups and downs…There is a time and season for everything under the sun as the Bible says. 

4. Finding things to laugh about every day. Mainly my kids, I laugh at or with my kids all day long. My mom has always said, if you just sit and watch kids, they are so funny. And they truly are. My kids make me laugh often, whether it’s my baby or my older kids. I love receiving the joy and laughter they bring me in my life. But in other ways too, wherever I can get a laugh, it’s great. My husband and I often laugh together, it feels like it’s probably been less lately because he’s exhausted and I’m exhausted, but laughter is so healing. So finding whatever ways I can to laugh.

5. And finally, communication with my husband. This is something I think that will always be ongoing in our life and marriage. It’s just a very integral part of marriage, being able to communicate with each other. Like I said earlier, this year has been very challenging on our marriage, and thus there have been times when there is a breakdown in communication, or we misunderstand each other, or we have lots of arguments. But the whole point is to connect, chat, work through, and process through it together. What I’ve found is that one thing I’ve gotten better at, which I can still keep practicing at, is not blaming Justin for everything. When we communicate and talk, how I will share, or try to share what’s going on with me is something like this- this is from a specific memory I have that I’m trying to share about- it was something like this is how I feel, but I’m not blaming you, or that it’s your fault, I know this is my thing I need to process and work through, but this is what I’m dealing with and working through. I wouldn’t say all conversations go like that, and not even like that exactly, but instead of pitting against each other, just sharing honestly what’s going on, with the idea that you are both working together and trying to get on the same page. Communication is seriously everything. So that’s been challenging this year, and something we’ve needed to continue to work on.

There you have it, my 5 things I’m doing in a very challenging year thus far. I will be happy when the clouds lift and there’s a lighter season in our life, but for now, I’m super grateful for the tools and skills I have and have learned that I truly believe make this 100 times easier than it otherwise would be.

If you haven’t heard, Cleared. Is open for enrollment with a 50% off for a few days. Inside Cleared. You will find everything you need to heal and clear anxiety and triggers at the root level. This means that instead of just managing or covering up the symptoms of anxiety, you learn how to go to the root and pluck it out, so the anxiety can go bye bye. It also contains so many tools that I personally use to keep my mind Clear and my body calm. Go learn more about it at www.meganhillukkacoaching.com/join It’s only available at the promotion rate until Tuesday at midnight!

Until next week my friends! Take care

If you want to learn more about how you can clear overwhelm more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.