• What is 5,4, 3, 2, 1, Method?

•How to be focus despite this chaos?

• Grief does not give us the right to lash out at others.  It does not give us a free pass on acting in whatever way we want. I know you are in pain. The pain is unbearable many times. But lashing out to others and using your anger to hurt others only hurts you more. I want to ask you this. Do you like the person you become when you talk badly about someone? Do you like the energy you have when you get angry at somebody?
  
  The anger, bitterness, frustration. All of that can come with grief. It's so normal. It comes from this immense loss of control that we have over our lives.  Our child is gone, there is no changing that.
  
  After Aria died I had a lot of anger, though I would be the best mom afterward.
  
  Telling someone that anger is bad, or to just stop being angry doesn't help. Anger in grief is so normal and it can show up in many ways.  Anger at God, anger at a person, including the person who died.  Anger at others, Anger at nothing but everything
  
  How to get rid of Anger?
  
  -Picture a giant beach ball
  
  -find a way to release the built-up tension in a healthy manner.
  
  -High-Intensity things like running, biking, punching, writing, and screaming
  
  -Allow the anger to surface and release from your body

• I asked my community for questions on how to support and help grieving children. Some of these are their questions, some are mine! :)

  -Who is Jana, and who do you help, and how do you help them

  -How do you respond and support children when they tell strangers they don’t have a sibling because they don’t want to feel sad that they don’t?

  -How can we tell the difference between behaviors that are grief-related, versus unruly behavior? And with that, how to know what’s normal for a child, versus needing extra support through grief?

  -How can I teach others to be gentle with grieving children? When they are acting out, to tell that they are grieving?

  -How little is too little for a child to grieve the loss of a sibling? As they get older, will they grieve in different ways?

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  Website: https://www.dougy.org/

  Recommended Reading

  • The Light of the world

There is huge expectation from society to be done grieving in a few days

The beginning of grief it was easier for me to allow grief in and to grieve openly because it was so obvious that I would be grieving. But as time goes on, grief really doesn’t have such a front seat in my life, and everyone might not realize the depth of grief and how vast it is in my life.

Here are some tools I’ve used to allow myself to grieve, even after many years.

-Allow space for my emotions and feelings

-Use something else to trigger the build up of emotions

-realize that I can’t always pinpoint everything to grief as time goes on, but that grief becomes a part of who I am. I can blame everything on grief, or I can take steps forward whether it’s grief or not.

-Begin discovering who I am

-Acknowledge that everyone else will move on- this doesn’t mean you are not allowed to grieve.

There is huge expectation from society to be done grieving in a few days

The beginning of grief it was easier for me to allow grief in and to grieve openly because it was so obvious that I would be grieving. But as time goes on, grief really doesn’t have such a front seat in my life, and everyone might not realize the depth of grief and how vast it is in my life.

Here are some tools I’ve used to allow myself to grieve, even after many years.

-Allow space for my emotions and feelings

-Use something else to trigger the build up of emotions

-realize that I can’t always pinpoint everything to grief as time goes on, but that grief becomes a part of who I am. I can blame everything on grief, or I can take steps forward whether it’s grief or not.

-Begin discovering who I am

-Acknowledge that everyone else will move on- this doesn’t mean you are not allowed to grieve.

-I Clearly remember the things people have said to me in grief.

-Clearly, God knew you could handle it, because I couldn’t.

-You are so strong.

-God wouldn’t give you more than you could handle.

Quite honestly, I know I was blessed with the support that I received, yet the comments of some really hurt.

The more I’ve learned, the more I know, that other people cannot hurt me by what they say. They do not control my emotions. I am in control of my emotions. I am the one who makes me sad, or angry, or hurt. Not someone else.

Ex. Someone made the comment God knew you could handle it, because I couldn’t.

I think: As if I could handle it, I’m not handling it very well. I didn’t ask for this either.

My feelings come from that thought, and then I’m angry, frustrated, and then I take the stance that they are unthoughtful, they are insensitive, they are a bad person.

Someone could make this comment, “God knew you could handle it, because I couldn’t”

I think: You can’t handle it right now, becuase you are not given this trial to hand it right now. I am given strength from God because it is my trial now. I didn’t think I could handle it before either.

My feelings- more compassion for the other person

I respond to that person with more love, and knowing that they do not fully understand what it’s like to be me, and I also don’t understand what it’s like to be them, with their own seen or unseen trials.

The more I take responsibility for my emotions and thoughts, the less I react strongly to what people say.

EX. Someone saying you are a blue monkey.

If you understand that your thoughts about what they say are creating the say you feel, you can begin to hold those thoughts, and decide if that’s what you want to think or not. It’s okay if you decide that you do want to think that. But acknowledge that that is what is creating what that person said.

• -Who is Lindsay, and how has grief played a role in your life?

  -What is it like to grieve someone you don’t remember?

  -You are doing kickboxing for PTSD, can you tell me about that?

  -On Instagram you said you are working with a somatic therapist, what does that mean?

  -You are very open about therapy, what do you feel is so helpful about therapy?

  -How did the Joyful Jewelry Box come to be?

• There's nothing wrong with medication

  • Medication suppresses Emotion and Feelings

  • Can You Survive without your Medications?

  • Do you need to rely on Medication? 

  If you like The Cultivated Family Podcast, can you share it with someone who benefits from it as well?

  Also, if you want to take a moment to review The Cultivated Family Podcast we would be so grateful!

  You can join me on Instagram 

  I also have a free Facebook group for grieving mothers