We are all delusional.
This idea is what keeps coming up for me.
How do you see the world around you? Your imagination might be playing, and we make up things in our minds. You question whether this thing is a reality or not.
You may think you are being delusional but, in most cases, you are not. The best part of being delusional is having two options: being delusional in your own suffering or learning how to live and carry your grief.
Gloria has always dreamed about being a mom, folding her cute laundry, and having so much love in her life. But fast forward to May of 2012 when her daughter was born, and it was the last thing she thought it would be. Gloria felt so disconnected. She disconnected from her daughter, from her life, from herself. Gloria felt a lot of heaviness from that year onwards.
Your life is forever changed. You are no longer the Megan that you were on May 26th, or even May 27th before 9:17 am. You are now a mother who knows trauma, grief, death, and the naivety that bad things happen to other people are stripped from your eyes. This will feel like a terrible thing for a long time. You will long to be your old self. You will hate your new life and normal. In time, you will learn to love who you are, to have compassion for your experience, and to grieve the loss of that part of you, but also learn how you’ve changed and become a better person because you’ve experienced such horrific darkness.
Your life is forever changed. You are no longer the Megan that you were on May 26th, or even May 27th before 9:17 am. You are now a mother who knows trauma, grief, death, and the naivety that bad things happen to other people are stripped from your eyes. This will feel like a terrible thing for a long time. You will long to be your old self. You will hate your new life and normal. In time, you will learn to love who you are, to have compassion for your experience, and to grieve the loss of that part of you, but also learn how you’ve changed and become a better person because you’ve experienced such horrific darkness.
In this episode, Megan shares some experiences in Grief that are very common and normal. What you are experiencing is very personal and Deep. No one can quite understand your Grief because it's your unique experience, and the guilt you feel needs space and time to process. So, it's okay to be where you feel the guilt, move through guilt, and allow it.
You are a grieving mother experiencing grief, which is an entirely normal and natural response to loss. So be gentle and kind with yourself as you are grieving, allowing yourself to rest when you need to. And I hope that you can use whatever will help you.
When you learn to process the emotions, when you learn to be with the emotions instead of needing to numb them, whether it’s with food, or alcohol, or drugs, you are much better off, than just saying, there’s no wrong way to grieve. When you can make a conscious choice to face the emotions and process them, you get to make more choices in what pain and consequences you want to deal with in your future.
