316: 4 Things I’m leaving behind in 2024
Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!
This year has honestly been a very challenging year. When we started off the year, it was the most amazing and I was so excited for the year. But many things have changed and happened in the year, obviously good and bad, and quite honestly, I’m ready to move into the new year and leave some things behind in 2024.
I just went to a business conference that is a lot more about life and business than just business. But there are some things that became clear to me that I’m going to leave behind in 2024 and I want to share them with you.
1. Being a victim to my circumstances. Ya’ll.. I talk about this all the time. That your circumstances are not the cause of your emotions or thoughts or reality. And that you’re never stuck in anything. And yet, I was feeling so stuck in my life. I felt like there was nothing we could do to change our life right now. That we just had to deal with it, even though it was terrible, no fun, and we are on a rat race of doing too many things, being exhausted. I went into this business conference feeling like I was failing at being a business owner, failing as a mom, failing as a wife, failing as a homeschool mom, basically failing in every area of my life. Because it wasn’t enough. I had so much on my plate mentally and physically, that I wasn’t really doing any of it well.
I also had this feeling of not having a choice in the matter. All these things that were on my plate and I didn’t have a choice. I just had to do them.
At this business conference, I came to the realization that I had put myself in this box. And I didn’t think my circumstances could change. Or that anything could change. I didn’t think there was anything that I could let go of, or anything that could be different. I realized that this box is an illusion. The box is there because I put the box there. And that I didn’t need to be doing all the things that I was doing. Everything is not important. And I had to really think about what I’m going to let go of, and what I’m going to say no to.
So I wrote a list of everything that I do in my day. Everything that I think about and take care of. And I’m still in the process of this, but I’m going through each item, and either consciously choosing to take that responsibility back on me, or say I’m no longer willing to do this task. And then, I’ll see what Justin wants to take on, what we can hire out, and what we are just going to no longer care about and it’s not going to get done for now.
This feels so freeing, because now, I’m choosing my tasks, taking things back on. It’s not that I’m only doing things I want to do, but I’m choosing, am I willing to continue doing this. For example, one thing that was in the back of my mind was I needed to get Christmas cards out. I absolutely love getting Christmas cards. They are my favorite thing. And so I love to send them. But this year, I just can’t. And so I decided to consciously choose to not do them. Now, it’s no longer something that’s taking up brain space in my mind.
So- the box is gone- we have way more choice than we realize, and we are not stuck in our situation. That feels amazing, so I’m leaving the box in 2024 and the illusion of having a box.
2. The next one, fear of being seen and judged. I can’t tell you how scary it is to show up online, on Instagram, in this podcast, and share your heart, your thoughts, and your life's work with the world. For me, the more I’m seen, the more I can be judged. And yet- when I focus on the people judging me, then I’m not focusing on the moms living with anxiety and trauma that I can help.
I had a very clear connection with the mom who is struggling daily with very difficult anxiety and trauma, and I realized at that moment, why in the world am I worrying about what other people think about me, when I could be helping her?
When I show up honestly and fully as myself, I feel so good. This may sound silly, but when I am fully me, fully present, and showing up in a way that feels good for me, I have like this bright yellow sunshine coming out of my heart. And I want to lean into that more. And not worry about if someone is judging me.
The more I show up fully as myself, the more I can help others in the way I know how.
And so, this, fear of being seen and judged I will leave in 2024
3. This one is still about being seen, but it’s from a little different angle. And it’s from the angle of when I’m hiding, I’m not giving to others. I’m not helping others. I had this amazing experience of getting to be on a panel where I got to share some ideas and skills with others about running their business. And I learned just in that little piece, where I didn’t feel like I had much to give, how much more I received from that. How many people thanked me, and came to talk with me. I also raised my hand at our lunch and had a little share that was very hard for me to do, because I haven’t spoken in the mic or showed up in that way. But again, so many people came up to me and thanked me. And there is this law, called the law of reciprocity, that you are paid back in what you give. And yes this makes sense, and I don’t want to show up to get, but I found just in these few things I did where I didn't actually feel like I had much to give but I gave what I could, and I got so much back, way more than I expected in return. So I see it now as this beautiful cycle- the more I give freely the more I receive back. It’s not an expectation filled circle, but just a flowing circle of giving and receiving is how I see it in my mind.
So- I’m leaving behind thinking I have nothing to give others, because then I’m not helping others.
4. I’m going to leave behind not believing that I deserve what I want or that I can ask for what I want. I didn’t realize this was actually a thing for me, because I do think I have been pretty good at asking for what I want, or finding a way to get what I want. My husband says I always get what I want. But I think I’ve developed this idea that I shouldn’t ask for what I want. That it’s bad to. Again, I didn’t really realize it was something I was doing, until this moment with my husband, when he called me when he was away for the weekend hunting. He called me on Sunday morning, and said everyone else is going to church here, but what would you like me to do? Do you want me to come home instead? And my initial first response, even though I needed him home and wanted him to come home, was to say, do whatever you want. And then I realized, it’s okay to voice my needs. To tell him that I wanted him to come home now. It has nothing to do with my husband not being okay with me asking, because he’s always willing to support me and do what I ask and if I tell him I really need something he is so supportive. But for some reason it has been hard for me to be honest with sharing what I really need and want.
That’s just a little example. And the bigger part of this for me, is feeling like I need to ask or find permission to do my business. Nobody in my personal life has a business. I should be more clear. None of my friends. All my friends are stay at home moms who have no interest in running a business of any sort, or if they do, they don’t want to do it now while they are raising their children. It feels hard to be different, so know that I have this deep desire to help people in this way, but when I’m not willing to ask for the help, for example get a babysitter, or create space in my life that’s specific for working, then it will be hard to show up in my business in the way I want and then I just end up frustrated.
So- I’m leaving behind in 2024 the need to ask for permission to take the time I need to grow and run my business. Instead of my dreams always coming last, I’m going to do what I need to do to be able to work towards my dreams. Again for some reason I feel the need to clarify, that this does not mean I’m giving up everything else, just that, I’m making space for me to be able to work towards this dream of helping others in this way on such a bigger scale!
If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.
