Episode Pointers:
Grief does not give us the right to lash out at others. It does not give us a free pass on acting in whatever way we want.
Lashing out to others and using your anger to hurt others only hurts you more.
Anger truly is an emotion that can explode and destroy so many things. It can come out as boiling frustration, explosive anger, resentment, or many other ways. Underneath anger is so many things- the lack of control over the situation, stress, fear, worry.
The anger, bitterness, frustration. All of that can come with grief. It’s so normal. It comes from this immense loss of control that we have over our lives.
I do believe that God is the giver and taker of life, then why wouldn’t I be angry at him?
I didn’t really feel I was angry at God, but wouldn’t that make sense? It didn’t mean I questioned his plan, or that I thought he was wrong, I was just angry that this was the way it was.
Anger in grief is so normal and it can show up in many ways. Anger at God, anger at a person, including the person who died. Anger at others. Anger at yourself. Anger at nothing, but everything.
You might not realize that you have anger. You might be in a place where anger is a bad way to feel and you don’t want to sit with it. It feels better to pretend you are not angry so you shove it under the rug and then maybe you are a better person because you are not angry.
But let me ask you this, just because you push the anger down and pretend it’s not there, does that make the anger go away?
Or does it just make you fight the energy of the anger more and make it more stressful?
Allowing yourself to process, sit with, and release the anger without judgement is an incredible way to help yourself and in turn be the kind of person you want to be to those around you.
Tips in Dealing with Anger:
1. Notice what your emotional patterns are.
What 3 emotions do you feel every day?
What 3 emotions come up for you the most often?
2. Anger Release Meditation
3.Find a way to release the built up tension in a healthy manner:
High intensity things - running, biking, punching
Writing
Screaming
Punching bag
4. Allow the anger to surface and release from your body:
Notice what you want to do when you feel the anger in your body.
Notice how you act, or want to respond.
Notice where the anger is in your body.
Notice the sensations, the intensity, how it feels.
Notice if you clench your jaw, or your fists, if your shoulders go up.
Get really present with how your body feels with anger.
5. Imagine the anger is like energy in your body. If you stuff it down, it will just fester in your body and explode out
What is the thought that is driving the anger?
What are the thoughts there behind it?
6. Understand that no matter who/what your anger is directed at right now, know that it is not the reason why you are angry.
Anger will not just go away by itself. It’s a very powerful emotion and a very damaging emotion if we don’t properly deal with it. Allow yourself to feel and process anger.
I want to encourage you to use these tools that I have offered, to at least take one of them, and begin to release and hold space for the anger inside of you. If you want guidance and 1:1 coaching to help you work through this- you can go to www.carryinggriefcoaching.com to learn more about how you can work with me. I want you to remember that there is no shame or judgement here, but how important it is to get curious with your anger and the energy of anger in your body, so you can continue to strive to be the best mom you can be.
If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community
Some links may contain affiliate links in which I receive a small commission if you decide to purchase something, this helps support the grief work I'm doing.
