“This is the biggest challenge. I've had other challenges in my life but this is far above any challenge that I've had, and any challenge that I think I will have in the future.”
Tina Kadish
Episode Pointers:
So you don't give up hope. And that's the thing. You keep fighting, fighting, fighting to the end
I'm still trying to understand why. But I have to surrender, that my life will be without her for the rest of my life. And hopefully, I will see her again.
So my faith has been very important during this time, but it's been questioned. I've been questioning my faith.
I still believe in the power of prayer. I really do. And that's what gets me through the days.
You’ve got to watch your anger in a sense. How are you channeling your anger? Are you channeling it in a positive way? Or are you channeling in a negative way? Nothing's going to come out of it. If I punch the top door out, right. I'll get in trouble.
What I'm learning is that every day, you're going to miss them. Every day you're coping, it's like that you have pain every day. This is just the pain that is more of a sadness, of missing her. And knowing that every day for the rest of my life, she will not be with me anymore, I will not see her grow up, she will not, we will not be spending more time together.
Sometimes we tend to blame, there's always somebody to blame.
I cannot live my life every day in bed, I mean I could, but I choose not to and wallow in self-pity. That's not going to be productive. Depression, I mean, you could get depressed about it. You know, and I try not to, you know, as well.
It's okay to be sad. It's okay to cry. It's okay to be angry. It's okay. But don't stay in that emotion every single day.
We all have this anger. Think of it as like energy that comes up in your body. And we look to who we could direct this anger at. So sometimes it's God, sometimes it's at our child, sometimes at ourselves, sometimes at somebody who kind of played a role in our child's death.
I have other people that I love. So I also need to think of myself and live my life but there's also that survivor's guilt. Like, I'm alive, but she's passed away, it should have been the other way around. I shouldn't have outlived my daughter. You know, so that's an emotion too.
Well, now I feel that I've changed is that every day, you want to be grateful. And that life is precious
I've always believed, don't hold grudges, love unto others, be grateful.
Spending more time with the people that you love is so important, and just don't sweat the small stuff. You get through this. I believe you can get through pretty much anything in your life. You really can.
Maybe this was meant to happen. It was my daughter's time. This was God's plan. Whatever it is, everybody's here for a period of time. Hers was cut short, for whatever reason. And that's, you know, a struggle.
And that's the thing, we are not in control. We have to let go, surrender and say, “Okay, God, you know, I don't know why, but I'm hoping that I'll find out the why.”
Give yourself grace. Yeah, you know, give yourself permission to rest, self-care. That's another thing I've learned more is to care for yourself more.
I've learned as I said, is to really appreciate every day that our life can change in the blink of an eye. And to be mindful, and you know, just go outside, and enjoy.
Forgiveness is huge. I don't want to hold on to that for you know, lack of forgiveness because it's going to hurt me. It's going to poison me.
If they feel alone in their pain, I would say find a community of support where others are experiencing the same thing because we can learn from each other. We can share tips, resources, tools, you know like you mentioned. So don't feel that you are alone because there's someone else going through it.
Her Recommended Books:
You can contact her through the following:
Website: www.lifeisideal.com
Email: tina@lifeisideal.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LifeIsIdeal/
Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/tinakadish
If you want more tools to help you, I have a workshop called Stop Talking Start Feeling, it’s a workshop that dives into emotions, what they are, and how you can begin to feel and process them and get them out of your body instead of stuffing them down. It also goes specifically into processing and releasing the emotions of guilt and sadness. You can get access to this workshop and all the extra things I have in there for only $27. Go to www.meganhillukka.com/workshop to check it out.
If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community
