In today’s episode, we are going to talk about pregnancy after loss, specifically the fear of having another baby.
Episode Pointers:
I’ve talked to many women who are terrified of having another baby. There are so many unknowns, so many things that they fear, including forgetting their baby that died. Maybe they feel like they are trying to replace their baby who died. Another is that they fear losing that baby and having to go through this pain again.
These fears stop grieving moms from having another baby because it’s so scary. It’s so unknown and we don’t know what a pregnancy is going to bring.
Fear is not the deciding factor of you having another baby or not because fear brings a lot of regret later on in your life.
If fear stops you from having another baby, then you never know what the experience would have been like. It is because you only experience it in your mind, which usually is a replay of the past, rather than allowing it to be the way it does happen in real life.
Pregnancy after loss is unlike other pregnancies, because once you know loss, you know anything can happen and that it does happen and that it did happen. It’s not just a what if, but it’s real.
I know that getting pregnant doesn’t guarantee a living child, and even after that, our children can die.
Once you know deep loss, you can never have a “normal” pregnancy again. Just like you will never be your “normal” self again. It becomes your new normal. The way you experience pregnancy is different than before, and than others who have not had loss.
We tend to judge this as a bad thing. We get angry that we have to have all these emotions and others don’t understand. It’s all part of your grief journey, but I’ve been thinking a lot lately.
Understanding that anxiety is normal, okay, and not a problem. Learn to sit with the anxiety you feel, and know that nothing has gone wrong. Of course you are worried, and even though the worry isn’t going to change the outcome, it’s still there. Be okay with it being there, and also use tools to support you.
There is not a guarantee that everything will go smoothly or good in your pregnancy, but the reward of having another baby is so great.
Just because you have another baby doesn’t mean you stop grieving for your child who have died. But this baby can bring so much joy, yes pain too, but so much joy that helps you come out of deep grief a bit.
The fears we have in our minds are not always our reality.
If you want to have more children, do the grief work. Process your emotions, get help for yourself emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually. It will make the whole journey a lot lighter and easier. It doesn’t mean it’s easy, but it can get lighter.
Quite honestly, I want you to know that pregnancy after loss is different. It comes with more fear and anxiety. It’s normal, and that’s okay. It’s a part of the process. But, find tools to support you, and surround yourself with people that support you, podcasts that support you, websites that support you, groups that support you, so that this fear doesn’t stop you from something you really want.
Whatever you choose or decide, I want you to know that your grief journey is your own, and process a layer by layer and hold space for what’s going on inside of you.
If you want more tools to help you, I have a workshop called Stop Talking Start Feeling, it’s a workshop that dives into emotions, what they are, and how you can begin to feel and process them and get them out of your body instead of stuffing them down. It also goes specifically into processing and releasing the emotions of guilt and sadness. You can get access to this workshop and all the extra things I have in there for only $27. Go to www.stoptalkingstartfeeling.com to check it out.
If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community
