In this episode, Erica McAfee shared her grief journey, her different layers of grief, and how she used them and got inspired to create a maternal child health company for Black women, the Sisters in Loss.
At the age of 14, She first experienced grief when her father died. For many reasons specific to her own grief journey, her grief didn't fully express itself until the death of her 2 angels. The grief that she had felt before somewhat accumulated. She realized that she needed to face grief. She was able to accept it and process her emotions.
Episode Pointers:
Grief is always there. Grief is with us forever. You need to face grief at some point.
If something else traumatic does happen to us like a loss of someone, recognize the feelings that we were feeling at that time and how do we move forward with those feelings so that we can continue on with our life.
Some people get stuck in grief, and really have this fog that comes over them. They just need additional help to get and remove that fog.Having trusted confidants, counselors and therapists that can help you move that fog away is so important.
Grief is gonna come and it’s gonna hit us. When it does;
Do we recognize it?
Do we understand what’s happening?
Are we okay to articulate how we feel in those moments?
Are we just gonna be mad at the world because of the traumatic thing or the loss that is happening?
Hospitals have many resources for grieving moms. They have lists for funeral homes, grave sites for infants, the chance to have your baby’s picture taken or a mold of his/her feet. These are very helpful in supporting grieving moms.
There’s so much power in the spoken word and being able to share about something that is deep, and dark, and shameful. The stories of each individual help them to be free and also help free someone else on the other line who’s listening.
You’d never know how you’re going to relate to someone's story. They could be completely different from yours but there may be one little thing in their story that touches you that gives you a glimmer of hope or a glimmer of joy.
There’s something about hearing other people's stories that make you feel less alone.
Celebrate your pregnancy. Document all the milestones of your pregnancy journey. It will keep you hopeful of your pregnancy.
When anxiety creeps up, lean on your faith. Pray and trust God that you would not go through with the same bad thing again.
Make sure that you trust your doctor, and that your doctor actually knows you, and wants to fight for you in the situation where you’re unconscious, and they are trying to literally save your life.
Be comfortable with your health care providers and build a birth team around you, together with your partner. They will help you in navigating the feelings that you may be going through in your pregnancy journey.
To those who are struggling and feel really alone in their pain, the way you’re feeling right now is normal. Explore that grief more deeply by talking to someone who is a trusted confidant or like a licensed mental health professional.
Support is sexy. You need a community around you to support you through this journey no matter where you are. So, find your tribe and love one of them hard.
You can connect with Erica through the following:
Instagram:www.instagram.com/sistersinLoss
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sistersinloss/
Website: www.sistersinloss.com
Youtube : Sisters in Loss TV
Podcast : https://sistersinloss.com/blog/
Recommended book :
The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks
If you want more tools to help you, I have a workshop called Stop Talking Start Feeling, it’s a workshop that dives into emotions, what they are, and how you can begin to feel and process them and get them out of your body instead of stuffing them down. It also goes specifically into processing and releasing the emotions of guilt and sadness. You can get access to this workshop and all the extra things I have in there for only $27. Go to www.stoptalkingstartfeeling.com to check it out.
If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community
Some links may contain affiliate links in which I receive a small commission if you decide to purchase something, this helps support the grief work I'm doing.
