Hello everyone! I’m back. If you didn’t notice, I took a few weeks off of everything from my work in Grieving Moms Community, all except my work and community in Grieving Moms Haven- that’s my monthly membership where we do calls with guided meditations and tappings specifically for child loss and all the emotions that come with it.
But I’m back with the podcast, and a renewed vigor to do this work, and get more focused on what I can do with the time I have, and the money I can put into doing this work.
So- right now, my focus is this podcast, my emails that go out, and my Grieving Moms Haven membership. I want to quick say, I’ve put everything I’ve created into this membership. My program I used to sell individually, group coaching calls, anxiety workshop, a month of journaling, tapping exercises for anger, guilt, sadness, anxiety, so many emotions, breath work meditations. Everything in one place for you to do what you can, when you can, at a very affordable price. I am also offering one month free in there, so you can try it out. Just go to www.meganhillukka.com and you will see it there and be able to get one month free.
I’m a little bit late on this episode, as in, last week could have been better, but I still want to talk about this because the new year can bring up so many things.
So many people are looking into the future, planning goals, planning what they want to do, all those kinds of things, and here you are, looking at your future and all you can see is horrific pain and misery.
It’s overwhelming and painful to say the least. If it helps you to plan goals and to have something to look forward to, I want to highly encourage you to do that. In fact, I think it can be good if everyone can have something that they can look forward to, even if it’s a very simple small thing.
But here’s the context I want to share this thought in. As a grieving mother, you can quickly become hopeless and weighed down heavily when you start going down the road of what your future looks like. Especially if you project where you are now on to your future, because you don’t know how you will feel in one year, but right now, it’s easy to look one year ahead and think you will feel the same exact way, or maybe even worse.
So it’s not useful to look into the future, it doesn’t help you at all. Not if you are looking too far ahead and just feel an overwhelming sense of sadness and despair.
So- here’s something I offer to the moms in my community. Imagine your future or what you can see in front of you as a horizon. If you have too big of a horizon, it’s overwhelming and you begin to think you can’t do this anymore, so narrow your horizon.
While everyone else is planning their year, maybe you need to shrink your horizon down to the next week, or day, or minute.
Maybe, that’s all you can look at and hold without going into the depths of despair.
It might seem silly, but grief and life can really just be brought down to moments. And sometimes it’s all you can do to get through this moment, and the next moment, and the next moment.
So with that, I want to encourage you to think about how far ahead you can handle to think. And once you decide on that, don’t allow yourself to think any further ahead, because you only cause yourself horrific suffering.
Because here’s the truth- you do not know how you will truly feel at a certain time, in a couple months, a couple years. It’s not super supportive to you to place all the weight and pain you have right now that far into the future, because you don’t know how you will feel then.
So just focus on where you are right now.
One thing that I do every year that I wanted to share on here with you, is I bring a word into my life that I will focus on for the year. A word that comes to me that feels right for this time in my life. I like to share this, because it’s not a goal or a thing to try to get to, but something that’s personal for you that helps you focus on what matters to you this year.
For example, last year, my word was Ease- for let it be easy. I’m really good at creating extra suffering and struggle in my life. So this word helped me continually refocus on how can I make things easier for myself? What can I let go of mentally, emotionally, physically that’s weighing me down where I can allow things to be easy?
This year, my word for myself is connection. I want to create connections in my relationships in my life. My husband, my children, my family, and friends. All of you moms here, the moms who join me in Grieving Moms Haven.
As we are walking and living a new year, I also want to acknowledge the pain it is to mark another year. Another year separating you from your child, from the time they lived, from the time they were here.
For me, each year marks how much farther I have to scroll back in my pictures to find pictures of Aria. They just keep getting longer and longer, and farther and farther away, and that hurts.
For those of you listening, whose child died in 2021, I want to send you a big hug. Going into a new year is so much deeper, because now you are living in a year that they have never lived in and never will. For that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all of us living with this pain, and I’m always holding you and your child in my heart.
So- here’s to hoping 2022 can be a year of gentleness on your heart, and a time where you can hold compassion, gentleness, and love for yourself as you are walking the hardest journey one can ever be asked to walk. I see you there, doing the best you can, with the horrific pain you are carrying, and it still feels like it’s never enough. It’s a lot, it really is. So please be gentle on yourself and know that grief is very intense. You got this.
And if you want to join a safe space with others grieving mothers, get support by connecting with others, and learning coping mechanisms to help you through this grief, come join Grieving Moms Haven, where you can get a month free. Go to www.meganhillukka.com and you can find all the information there.
I’m so excited to be back here on the podcast, to be sharing and connecting with you. See you next week! Take care
If you want to dive deeper, and have a coach who understands grief, and triggers, and what it’s like to be walking with child loss grief, message me at hello@meganhillukka.com and we can chat about how I can help you on your grief journey.
