Episode Pointers:
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. The suffering comes in, when we resist what is. Whether it’s the emotion, the circumstance, the relationship, what is. The resistance brings suffering.
Byron Katie’s 4 questions in “The Work”:
Go through a situation in your life that frustrated you or caused you a lot of stress.
Replay that as if you were there again, and pay attention to what was causing you the most stress or frustration.
Journal this out, and notice the thought that caused you the most stress.
Be as childish and judgey as possible so that you can get clear answers of what was actually happening.
Apply these 4 questions below
Is it true?
Sometimes we don’t realize we are even thinking something even though we don’t believe it’s true. When you start to question, you can see how silly it is that you are thinking it, because you don’t actually believe it to be true.
Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
Taking a moment to think about and truly ponder if it’s absolutely true, gives you another chance to see if you are being honest and true with yourself.
How do you react, and what happens when you believe that thought?
This is all about noticing how this thought makes you feel and act. What emotions come up for you? How do you treat those around you? How do you treat yourself? How do you feel that emotion in your body? How might you start to try to numb to hide that emotion?
Who would you be without that thought?
- It always comes back to your identity, and who you are. Who do you believe yourself to be, and why do you keep holding on to a thought?
- Katie says to go back to the scenario and replay it again in your mind, and replay it without that thought and notice what happens. Ask yourself, who or what would you be without that thought? How would you treat others? How would you treat yourself? How would you feel without that thought? Drop all the judgements you have.
The whole purpose of The work, and of all the work that I do, is not to judge or try to completely change your thoughts or try to stop yourself from thinking, but to bring awareness to what’s going on inside of you, of the resistance that you may have, and then giving you tools to choose thoughts and actions that align with who you want to be and how you want to live.
This gives you freedom and choice, and gives you the ability to choose your thoughts instead of just always having them on autopilot without even realizing what’s going through your mind.
Recommended Book: Loving What Is by Byron Katie
Byron Katie’s Website : www.thework.com
If you want to join my 100th podcast episode + birthday giveaway, please check the full details on www.meganhillukka.com/giveaway. I’m giving away some products that I’ve found very helpful and useful on my grief journey including some books, affirmation cards, and a journal, as well as some spots in my next Relief in Grief workshop (coming up in July), some spots to my Life After Child Loss Program, and a free 1:1 coaching call with me.
Struggling with the emotions of anger, guilt, sadness, and anxiety after the death of your child? Come join me and other grieving mothers in a 3-day workshop, Relief in Grief to help you learn how to process the emotions and thoughts that come with grief. This will be on July 14th, 15th, and 16th. You do not need to do this alone, get on the waitlist at www.reliefingriefsupportgroup.com
If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community
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