322: Helping Your Kids Be More Confident

322: helping your kids be more confident

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

In this episode, it is going to be meaningful to me, as a mother, Michelle and I are talking about fostering a growth mindset in children—teaching them that abilities and intelligence can develop through effort—sets the foundation for resilience, confidence, and a lifelong love of learning. Parents play a crucial role in this journey, but common pitfalls such as overpraising abilities, rescuing too quickly, or comparing children to others can unintentionally hinder their confidence. Instead, focus on praising effort, guiding problem-solving, and celebrating individual progress. 

Growth mindset strategies are best introduced during calm, receptive moments, while emotional regulation should be prioritized when children feel overwhelmed. Recognizing early signs of dysregulation, such as irritability or physical tension, allows parents to support their child with calming techniques and validation. Additionally, maintaining emotional balance as a parent is key to avoiding the “stress energy exchange,” where children absorb and mirror parental anxiety. By staying calm and supportive, parents can create a positive environment for their child’s growth and well-being.

Before we wrap up, if you'd like to connect with Michelle to learn more or discuss strategies, feel free to reach out through Michelle's page and Instagram.

Together, we can empower the next generation to thrive! 

If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

321: Using Visualization to Achieve Your Dreams

321: Using Visualization TO Achieve YOur Dreams

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

I want to share a tool I’ve been using for my own life that maybe you want to try using. Maybe it sounds weird to you, maybe it seems fake or whatever, but it’s been incredibly helpful for me, and I will explain a few reasons why, my own experience with visualization, but also, how the brain works, and so why this is such a powerful tool to use.

Okay, what is visualization? It’s a way of playing a video in your mind of sorts , usually of a future event that you want to live, or a dream you have, or even a reaction or response you want to have to a situation, you play it in your mind.

And maybe you’re thinking, I can’t visualize. You know what…I can’t really either. I don’t clearly see a video of pictures in my mind like I know other people can. Instead you focus more on what comes more naturally for you. For me, it’s the feelings I want to have in my body, and then it’s like a narrative or a story in my mind. So instead of clearly seeing pictures, I hear words, and then have a feeling.

Okay, so why visualization? And what does it do?

It’s a way of living something as if it’s already happened. You live something a thousand times in your mind, and then it becomes reality. You see it, you feel it, you become it, and then it becomes you. And here’s why this works within the subconscious mind.
The subconscious mind does not know what is real or not real. It only knows what it sees, and it believes what you think as real. So if you want to respond a certain way to your kids, or to a certain situation, you can go through a visualization process where you already responded and acted in the way that you wanted to in the situation. And then, your mind believes it’s already done. You already did that, and it gathers details for this is how we do it.

I use some visualization techniques to help people with phobias, or fear of driving, social anxiety,  or things of that nature, where they get to play out in their mind situations and create either funniness around it, silliness, or just feel what it feels like to already be over this struggle and problem.

But you can use visualization to achieve your dreams. I know this, because I’ve done it. Our bus is a great example. Every single night for probably a year, I visualized driving down the driveway in our bus. By the time we actually drove down the driveway in real life, it felt so surreal. I’ve already lived it so many times…but now it was real, and it felt crazy but also absolutely normal.

The same way with our sauna. I wanted a sauna forever, so I started visualizing having a sauna, taking a sauna, feeling what  it feels like to be in the sauna and enjoying the sauna ... .I did this for probably 6 months, and what do you know, we have a sauna. And it is different from how I thought we would get a sauna and how I pictured it coming about, but it’s perfect for us right now, and it’s the best thing to have a sauna.

Here are some tips for visualization

-first, remember it doesn’t have to be just pictures, it can be a feeling, words, scents, whatever feels best for you

-second, get very clear on the vision or goal you want to achieve. You can even take a moment to write it down. But when you write it down, you write it in present tense, as if it already happened. When you are visualizing it, you are seeing it as if it’s happening right now, or as if the goal is already down. Who are you when you have that? What does it feel like to have or be that? What does it look like? Sound like?

-Third, you can use a guided meditation process like I have in my program Cleared. Or you can just visualize in your own mind, see the start to the finish of you already living your dream as if it’s already done. Not wishing it were, or anything like that. As if it already happened. That’s the key to all of this, because then when the subconscious sees it as if it’s already happened, your subconscious mind starts working towards that automatically. There is so much that happens within the subconscious that’s pretty incredible, and if you start feeding your subconscious mind things you want and where you want to go, it will work with you to get you there.

-fourth, notice the feelings you get in your body. When you think of a goal that you want, and you ask yourself why do you want this goal? Do this with me right. Think of a specific thing you desire in your life. And if I were to ask you why do you want that? What will that give you? For example, I want to be able to respond to my kids when they are screaming instead of reacting and screaming myself. If I were to ask you why do you want that? You might say because I want to be a better mom…then why? Why do you want to be a better mom? Then you might say, I want more connection and love with my kids. And so the value you have is the feeling. The love and connection.

So when we think about what this goal or vision will give you, it will ultimately give you a feeling in your life. And so when you do this visualization, notice what that feeling is, and feel the feeling already. Enjoy that feeling now. You don’t have to have this happen already to feel it. Feel it as if it has already happened and you get to enjoy this feeling ever more.

Okay, so I’m curious what your thoughts are on this. I have found this to be an incredible tool for many reasons, but also to just stay focused on the  dreams or goals that you have. It’s so easy to get distracted, to get burnt out, or whatever, but when you see the vision, and when you feel it in your body, it brings you back into focus, and brings you back to being right here, right now, and gives that energy or motivation maybe you were looking for to take that one step one thing you need to do to get to that goal.

Alright my friends, I am still hosting live trainings every single week, they are so so fun, and if you are living with anxiety and trauma, you do not want to miss it, you can get so many questions answered like what’s happening in your body with anxiety and trauma, and what you need to do in order to actually heal it!

Go to www.meganhillukka.com and click on the pink button and it will take you to the page to get registered!Or you can just go to my IG account megan_hillukka and the link to join is in my bio!

Alright my friends, I hope you start to implement visualization into your life and see what happens! If you’re skeptical, just try it and see, you never know until you try!

Take care, until next week!

I have a free class that I am currently hosting where you will learn the secret to healing anxiety and trauma. If you really want some relief from the triggers and anxiety that are keeping you stuck, come join me. You can go to my website, www.meganhillukka.com and you will see the bright pink button there that will bring you to the page to join!


If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

320: Gluten Free Baking, Motherhood, and Making Cooking Easier with Katy Davis

320: Gluten-Free Baking, and Making Cooking Easier in Motherhood With Katy Davis

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

I have a free class that I am currently hosting where you will learn the secret to healing anxiety and trauma. If you really want some relief from the triggers and anxiety that are keeping you stuck, come join me. You can go to my website, www.meganhillukka.com and you will see the bright pink button there that will bring you to the page to join!


If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

319: Memories- Do They Matter?

319: Memories- Do They Matter?

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

I have some interesting thoughts to share today with you. And we are talking about memories.

So let’s talk about memories.

Have you ever heard of someone who doesn't remember something until they are older? And maybe they weren’t aware of it before, and now they are, and this memory suddenly causes so much pain to them in their life?

I actually had a client who had gone to do some somatic work, and through that work, the person guiding them through it was really pushing them that something specific must have happened to them when they were little that they didn’ to remember, and it ended up causing a lot of unsettledness.

I want to share some thoughts about memories, and how I view them, from what I’ve learned from many different things.

There’s a part in the book Waking the Tiger by Dr. Peter Levine, that talks about how this little girl's memory, she shared a story that did not make any sense at all. The way she shared the memory and how it was pieced together, made it impossible that that was how it all happened. Pieces of it could be true, and maybe all the pieces true, but the timeline and such didn’t make any sense.And something he talks about in this book, the memory itself doesn’t really matter, it’s what is remembered can be cleared, and it doesn’t really matter if it’s true or not.

I remember after Aria died, I became obsessed with the facts and the timeline. Like what actually happened when, and how my memory gets distorted. Then I realized, it doesn’t really matter what actually happened, it’s what I remember that’s affecting me and so dealing with that is the thing.

Memories can be very sticky, because probably most of you have memories that are traumatic, that you don’t want to remember, but maybe keep popping up in your mind. Maybe you have memories that when you think of them bring up a ton of emotion.

Now I’ve learned an even different perspective that is pretty life changing to me. This idea to create this episode came to the forefront because when I was talking with a mom about what working with me would look like, one concern she had was wondering if we would bring up any memories that she was not aware of. Because she didn’t want to remember anything that she currently couldn’t remember.

And I completely understand that. Why would you want to remember something if it was a horrible thing, if you currently don’t remember it or it doesn’t bother you today.

And while when I’m working with someone we don’t try to make you remember things that didn’t happen, sometimes we do a scanning for memories that are ready to be cleared of the energy to use that energy towards what we are working towards. And one thing I shared with this mom was that whether you remember the memory or not, if it’s there, it's like an energy drain in the background of your mind, draining energy from you, because the mind is reading that event as happening.

But with how I go about assisting you, you don’t have to go through and remember each memory or relive anything at all. Once you clear one memory, it automatically happens for other memories. 

So memory is a very interesting thing. Because even if you remember something, it doesn’t mean it happened, or that it’s a fact. The mind can create memories or images of something that never happened. And now that’s not to say what you are remembering didn't happen, but this is very possible for this to happen. 

And, either way, it doesn’t really matter, because if mind is reading it as a memory, and especially if it’s reading it as a traumatic experience, or a disturbing experience that still affects you today, it doesn’t really matter if it was real or imagined, because for mind it is reading it as if it was real and it really did happen.

So, regardless of whether it's true or not, it’s still beneficial to clear this stuck data within mind.

If you have siblings, you can find this to be so true, when you start to discuss memories from childhood, it’s so interesting how you can remember things very similar, but also so different. With my sister who I grew up with, there’s so many times I just don’t remember things the same as her, or things I thought happened that didn’t happen. It’s just so interesting how memory is.

So if we took a memory from childhood that was traumatic or disturbing, most people would tell you that we need to make tons of meaning about these memories, and if something happened or didn’t happen it matters a ton. And I get it. But I want to offer you a little bit of a different perspective, in a way that I believe makes this a lot lighter.

If you have a memory that’s a very difficult one, or traumatic one, I am not at all dismissing what you’ve been through and the magnitude of it. And most of the time, in order to heal it in traditional ways, you would have to go relive the memories, look at why that happened, and all the things. And this memory feels huge, daunting, and maybe like you will never be able to heal from it, or it will continue to affect you in a huge and negative way your whole life.

Now, I get that most of these memories are disturbing, traumatic, and bring a ton of pain.

Let’s think for a bit, that when information comes in, if this information is disturbing or painful, this information can get stuck and blown up. And so, this is where a memory gets stuck in mind, and it’s not fully processed and put into memory. It’s like it got bigger in the mind and as if it’s happening all the time.

Like a war veteran who reacts to the firework noise, the mind is reading that noise as something else and something else is happening, rather than what is actually happening. So if you’ve been experiencing this, you’re not going crazy, this is how the mind is supposed to do it, and you really couldn’t have done any differently up until now.

So one person could experience this situation and another person could experience the same situation and have two totally different experiences and outcomes. It’s just each person's mind is processing the data and information differently. 

And so if we’re thinking about memories this way, that if a memory is difficult to talk about, or share, or think about, or something, then this would mean this memory is not fully processed through.

So, this image, word, sound, memory, gets stuck, and maybe convoluted, and misread, and it gets bigger. And so, here’s why what I do with the people I work with is so special. Because it doesn’t matter what the memory is. It could be something terrible. It could be something minor, but if we’re thinking of it as stuck data, and we can clear that data so it gets fully processed, so it can go into the memory bank and mind can fully understand and get it that it’s no longer happening, do you know what that gives you? Peace. It’s a place of being able to pull up the memory if you want, but it’s not constantly flashing through your mind. It’s where you can share your story or your experience without reliving the experience as if it’s happening again. Because it’s not happening again.

Here’s where I see this as a huge freedom and a beautiful thing. When we are looking at memories this way and through this perspective, it doesn’t matter what the thing is, because we are just thinking of it as data or information that got stuck in our mind.

It’s not “more difficult” and “more work” to process because it’s a memory we judge to be worthy of that level of trauma. Some people experience stuck memories from events other people do every day and would be shocked that someone else is experiencing so much turmoil over this experience. So it has nothing to do with the person and more to do with the data and the information that got stuck in the processor. 

So whatever the data is, whether it’s a huge traumatic event or memory, or whether it’s another memory that has continued to affect you in your life, it’s the same thing, to clear the stuck data.

And here’s why I think of that as a relief. Because in most ways of thinking, the bigger trauma and deal, would take years of effort and work to clear and deal with it. And in this way of thinking, very simplistically , it’s just stuck data that can easily be cleared so the mind can read it as no longer happening anymore.

So, we’ve been talking about memories, and often we think of memories in the past. But when a memory isn’t put into the memory box and fully integrated into the past and processed, this means this memory is actually being read in mind as happening now- and this could mean it’s about to happen again, it’s happening again, or it just happened again. So technically these are not memories to mind, they are present happening events.

So when something is fully processed here’s what it looks like. It’s like remembering that you brushed your teeth this morning. But I can’t tell you right now to stop brushing your teeth this morning, because if you brushed your teeth this morning, you are no longer brushing your teeth right now. So you can recall a memory, and it doesn’t bring up much negative emotion at all, and maybe no emotion, you can just recall this thing happened, and you can very clearly see it’s not happening right now. It’s clear to you, and it’s clear to mind, that this event is no longer happening.

So there you have it, my perspective and thoughts on memory and reliving memories. I hope this was useful for you today. If you want to stop reliving horrific memories and get your mind to fully understand that those are in the past, and deal with anxiety that comes with that.

I have a free class that I am currently hosting where you will learn the secret to healing anxiety and trauma. If you really want some relief from the triggers and anxiety that are keeping you stuck, come join me. You can go to my website, www.meganhillukka.com and you will see the bright pink button there that will bring you to the page to join!


If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

318: Get Paid Maternity Leave With Diane Gatza

318: Get Paid Maternity Leave With Diane Gatza

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

Today I had the joy of talking with Diane Gatza: Diane is an engineer, home birth mom of two, & the CEO and Founder of California Maternity Leave Consulting. As a problem-solving engineer at heart, Diane established California Maternity Leave Consulting after navigating two maternity leaves and experiencing firsthand the lack of support, inability to find easy-to-understand information and realizing it is up to the employee to figure out how this whole maternity leave thing "works."

As the self-proclaimed “Rosetta Stone of Benefits,” Diane’s passion is breaking down complex topics into bite-sized and easy-to-understand pieces so women feel empowered to put together and advocate for the maternity leave they deserve. After working with over 1,000 women to help them maximize their maternity leave benefits she has plans to keep expanding and support States outside of CA as well as offer paid FMLA insurance for women across the US.

In her spare time, Diane enjoys meditation, going to Disneyland with her two kids and taking sewing classes with the hopes of one day being on Project Runway.

You can find Diana HERE on Instagram, listen in, and then send her a message and me a message to let us know your thoughts!

I’m still hosting live classes, so if you want to join my live class where you will learn the secret to healing anxiety and trauma for good- go to my instagram, again megan_hillukka, follow me if you are not already, and then you will find the link to register for my free class in my instagram bio!
Take care my friends!

If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

317: How to Meal Plan and Grocery Shop for 9 People

317: How to Meal plan and grocery shop for 9 people

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

I’ve been running a household for 12 years…almost 14 years married, but almost 13 years with kids. It has basically been my role is all the cooking, grocery shopping, and food preparation. There have been seasons where I enjoy cooking and I make super complicated family meals, and seasons where I just have to get the basics on the table to feed my family and that’s it.

I want to share some tips today that I’ve learned over the years about how to make a meal plan, and how to save money.
I want to preface this by this- like I always seem to be prefacing all my episodes…but I hate feeling like I have to make a meal plan. I don’t like to have meal plans in order to save money. That does not work for me. It puts a lot of pressure on me that I don’t like, and stresses me out unnecessarily. So I make a meal plan when it feels good. I make things from scratch when I want to, and it’s okay for me to buy something from the store instead of making it from scratch if I’m not up for it. And- I don’t always plan. I find my life works better when I plan, go grocery shop and have all the ingredients on hand for the meal, but sometimes I’m flying by the seat of my pants as well.

Okay, so here are some of the ways I meal plan, use up all my food as much as I can- I still throw away a sad amount of food which I’m working on getting better at. 

So- when I’m going to plan my meals for the week, I go through my pantry fridge, and freezer. I write everything down on a piece of paper that I have there. And then I can look at that list when I’m done, and see if any meal ideas come to me that would mean using up what I already have on hand. So if there are meals that come up, I will write that meal down as a meal for part of my week. 
When I’m in a more tough season of life with not much time or energy to make food- it’s really the most easy, simple and basic meals I can get. Sometimes it’s just scrambled eggs. Sometimes it’s pizza from the store. But then when I have the energy and I’m interested in it, I do look through recipes that inspire me, and I usually make things that I’m craving or sound good to me.

I actually have incorporated two days a week that I try to do the same every week. Tuesdays we have Spaghetti tuesday, which now that I’m thinking about it, my kids often pick a meal that they do as well. So in this whole process I will ask them what they want to make. I even more recently decided to see what it was like to do the same meal on the same day every week.

So before I even start this, I have an evernote note that is for meal planning and grocery shopping. I have all the days of the week, and I will then put the meal on the day of the week. I also look at my calendar for the week and make sure busy days have easy meals and less busy days are okay to have more complicated meals if there are any.

So then I write that meal down, and even if I do put it on Monday, it’s not absolutely tied to that day, I just want to have all the ingredients on hand for the week for these meals.

And then if I need to add anything more to my list for the meal that I came up with from my list that is what I already have, I add it to my walmart grocery cart. I now have Walmart grocery delivery. When I didn’t have anything like that, I would just put it on my grocery list, but now I just put it in my cart.

So- then when I buy all the ingredients, something that can be hard is that we have a house full of people that might eat the things I have bought to make food with. So I do have to tell people, no you can’t eat that, that’s off limits.

Then, there are things that I can make that are way cheaper to make at home than buy from the store, but I go in spurts with those. Bread, yogurt, kombucha, granola, are probably some of the bigger ones. I might buy them, or if I know they are going to get made then I don’t. 

One of the biggest things that has helped me in this whole process of grocery shopping and food preparation as it’s not my favorite job always, is taking away the pressure that it has to be a certain way. If I want to buy bread. It’s okay to buy bread. Just because 95% of people I know always make their own bread doesn’t mean I have to. Or just because it’s cheaper to make my own kombucha than it is to buy it, doesn’t mean that’s the only time I can have kombucha.

Taking away the stress of what it has to look like and what I have to do makes grocery shopping easier and funner for me.
Probably there are some of you who are way more strict and stick to your meal plan very much, and you are a lot better at being very frugal with your groceries. But it’s just not me. I do the best I can with organizing, using what I have, trying to use things before they go bad, but also- I try to notice if something is causing stress and just let it go. It’s usually coming from pressure I’m putting on myself of how it’s supposed to be looking.

So- there you have how I plan my meals, how I feed 9 people every single day breakfast, lunch, supper, snacks. It’s a lot, but also I just keep trying to make it simpler and simpler for myself as time goes on!

Let me know if this was helpful for you, message me at megan_hillukka! I would love to hear from you. And if you have any questions or particular topics you would love me to talk about on this podcast, message me on instagram as well!

I’m still hosting live classes, so if you want to join my live class where you will learn the secret to healing anxiety and trauma for good- go to my instagram, again megan_hillukka, follow me if you are not already, and then you will find the link to register for my free class in my instagram bio!
Take care my friends!

If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

316: 4 Things I'm Leaving Behind in 2024

316: 4 Things I’m leaving behind in 2024

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

This year has honestly been a very challenging year. When we started off the year, it was the most amazing and I was so excited for the year. But many things have changed and happened in the year, obviously good and bad, and quite honestly, I’m ready to move into the new year and leave some things behind in 2024.

I just went to a business conference that is a lot more about life and business than just business. But there are some things that became clear to me that I’m going to leave behind in 2024 and I want to share them with you.

1. Being a victim to my circumstances. Ya’ll.. I talk about this all the time. That your circumstances are not the cause of your emotions or thoughts or reality. And that you’re never stuck in anything. And yet, I was feeling so stuck in my life. I felt like there was nothing we could do to change our life right now. That we just had to deal with it, even though it was terrible, no fun, and we are on a rat race of doing too many things, being exhausted. I went into this business conference feeling like I was failing at being a business owner, failing as a mom, failing as a wife, failing as a homeschool mom, basically failing in every area of my life. Because it wasn’t enough. I had so much on my plate mentally and physically, that I wasn’t really doing any of it well.

I also had this feeling of not having a choice in the matter. All these things that were on my plate and I didn’t have a choice. I just had to do them.

At this business conference, I came to the realization that I had put myself in this box. And I didn’t think my circumstances could change. Or that anything could change. I didn’t think there was anything that I could let go of, or anything that could be different. I realized that this box is an illusion. The box is there because I put the box there. And that I didn’t need to be doing all the things that I was doing. Everything is not important. And I had to really think about what I’m going to let go of, and what I’m going to say no to.

So I wrote a list of everything that I do in my day. Everything that I think about and take care of. And I’m still in the process of this, but I’m going through each item, and either consciously choosing to take that responsibility back on me, or say I’m no longer willing to do this task. And then, I’ll see what Justin wants to take on, what we can hire out, and what we are just going to no longer care about and it’s not going to get done for now.

This feels so freeing, because now, I’m choosing my tasks, taking things back on. It’s not that I’m only doing things I want to do, but I’m choosing, am I willing to continue doing this. For example, one thing that was in the back of my mind was I needed to get Christmas cards out. I absolutely love getting Christmas cards. They are my favorite thing. And so I love to send them. But this year, I just can’t. And so I decided to consciously choose to not do them. Now, it’s no longer something that’s taking up brain space in my mind.
So- the box is gone- we have way more choice than we realize, and we are not stuck in our situation. That feels amazing, so I’m leaving the box in 2024 and the illusion of having a box.

2. The next one, fear of being seen and judged. I can’t tell you how scary it is to show up online, on Instagram, in this podcast, and share your heart, your thoughts, and your life's work with the world. For me, the more I’m seen, the more I can be judged. And yet- when I focus on the people judging me, then I’m not focusing on the moms living with anxiety and trauma that I can help.

I had a very clear connection with the mom who is struggling daily with very difficult anxiety and trauma, and I realized at that moment, why in the world am I worrying about what other people think about me, when I could be helping her? 

When I show up honestly and fully as myself, I feel so good. This may sound silly, but when I am fully me, fully present, and showing up in a way that feels good for me, I have like this bright yellow sunshine coming out of my heart. And I want to lean into that more. And not worry about if someone is judging me.

The more I show up fully as myself, the more I can help others in the way I know how.

And so, this, fear of being seen and judged I will leave in 2024

3. This one is still about being seen, but it’s from a little different angle. And it’s from the angle of when I’m hiding, I’m not giving to others. I’m not helping others. I had this amazing experience of getting to be on a panel where I got to share some ideas and skills with others about running their business. And I learned just in that little piece, where I didn’t feel like I had much to give, how much more I received from that. How many people thanked me, and came to talk with me. I also raised my hand at our lunch and had a little share that was very hard for me to do, because I haven’t spoken in the mic or showed up in that way. But again, so many people came up to me and thanked me. And there is this law, called the law of reciprocity, that you are paid back in what you give. And yes this makes sense, and I don’t want to show up to get, but I found just in these few things I did where I didn't actually feel like I had much to give but I gave what I could, and I got so much back, way more than I expected in return. So I see it now as this beautiful cycle- the more I give freely the more I receive back. It’s not an expectation filled circle, but just a flowing circle of giving and receiving is how I see it in my mind.

So- I’m leaving behind thinking I have nothing to give others, because then I’m not helping others.

4. I’m going to leave behind not believing that I deserve what I want or that I can ask for what I want. I didn’t realize this was actually a thing for me, because I do think I have been pretty good at asking for what I want, or finding a way to get what I want. My husband says I always get what I want. But I think I’ve developed this idea that I shouldn’t ask for what I want. That it’s bad to. Again, I didn’t really realize it was something I was doing, until this moment with my husband, when he called me when he was away for the weekend hunting. He called me on Sunday morning, and said everyone else is going to church here, but what would you like me to do? Do you want me to come home instead? And my initial first response, even though I needed him home and wanted him to come home, was to say, do whatever you want. And then I realized, it’s okay to voice my needs. To tell him that I wanted him to come home now. It has nothing to do with my husband not being okay with me asking, because he’s always willing to support me and do what I ask and if I tell him I really need something he is so supportive. But for some reason it has been hard for me to be honest with sharing what I really need and want.

That’s just a little example. And the bigger part of this for me, is feeling like I need to ask or find permission to do my business. Nobody in my personal life has a business. I should be more clear. None of my friends. All my friends are stay at home moms who have no interest in running a business of any sort, or if they do, they don’t want to do it now while they are raising their children. It feels hard to be different, so know that I have this deep desire to help people in this way, but when I’m not willing to ask for the help, for example get a babysitter, or create space in my life that’s specific for working, then it will be hard to show up in my business in the way I want and then I just end up frustrated.

So- I’m leaving behind in 2024 the need to ask for permission to take the time I need to grow and run my business. Instead of my dreams always coming last, I’m going to do what I need to do to be able to work towards my dreams. Again for some reason I feel the need to clarify, that this does not mean I’m giving up everything else, just that, I’m making space for me to be able to work towards this dream of helping others in this way on such a bigger scale!

If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

315: The 5 Reasons I Choose Home Birth Over Hospitals

315: The 5 Reasons I Choose Home Birth Over Hospitals

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

You may or may not know that I have never been to a hospital to have a baby. Never. And I hope I never do, though if I do then it’s for a reason and I’ll go there if I have to. But I’ve had 8 babies, and they have either been born at home, or at a birth center. 

My first 3 babies were born at home, and then due to insurance reasons and that our insurance would cover birth centers but we had to pay out of pocket for home births we switch to a freestanding birth center. Which was fine. But you still had to go there when you were in labor, and after you have baby, you can be there for 4 hours before you have to go home. The birth center is nothing like a hospital, it felt more like a fancy hotel. With a king size bed, a big bath tub that was for birthing, it definitely had a different feel.

I’m actually super glad I had switched to a birth center for my 4th birth, because 4 weeks before she was born, Aria died, and I don’t think there could have been any way I could have had a baby at my house that my daughter just died in.

So- my next 3 babies were born at the birth center, and that was all good. There’s a few differences I noticed about birth centers than home births that I didn’t like, and they were these. They are a lot more medically minded, and push a lot harder on trying to get you to do all these interventions or tests that I haven’t normally done. They are tied to red tape or protocols or rules that they have to follow no matter what, and there’s a staff of many midwives and so you don’t get to choose who your midwife is going to be, like in the hospital, you just get whoever is on at the time.

For my 7th baby, I went back to home birth and it was the best I’ve ever had. She came in 2 hours with just Justin and I at home, and my midwife got there 45 minutes afterwards. It was incredible and an amazing birth. And again, I plan to only do home births from here on out. My 8th also was. 

So there’s a little background on my birthing experiences and now I’ll dive into the 5 reasons I do homebirths.

1. I trust that if my baby is going to die, it’s going to die at home or in the hospital. One of my biggest fears before I had my first baby when I was planning a homebirth, was this idea that if my baby died at home trying to give birth there, how much I would be judged for it being my fault. Even though, I truly and adamantly believe that if my baby is going to die, it doesn’t matter if I’m at home or at the hospital. We can think there are deaths that are preventable…but they aren’t preventable, because they happened. And I have a deep belief that God is in control of my babies life, and if it’s my babies time to go, it doesn’t matter where I am. And I also believe that having a baby is the most natural thing we can do…God created our bodies to have babies. If there are no signs of high risk or no reason to be worried, I do believe having a baby at home is very safe.
   

Even after Aria died, I do still believe that my baby will die at home or at the hospital if it’s meant to. In fact her death cemented this belief in to me, because there was nothing I could have done to stop her from dying. We don’t get to choose. And so I’m going to have a baby in the place I feel the most comfortable, at ease, and I feel is the best choice for us.

1. I get to be in my own comfortable space with not very many people there. I like when it’s just my midwife, her assistant or whoever is working with her, my husband and I. I do not think I would do well with a crowd and a bunch of people. One time I had invited my mom and sister in law to come to a birth, but they didn’t make it because baby was born before, and afterwards I realized how glad I was because I don’t actually want anyone else there besides who absolutely needs to be there. That’s why I don’t use a doula or anything else. Just who needs to be there, and that’s all.

2. I get to have a relationship and connection with my midwives. A part of having a home birth is that you get to know your midwife, trust them, and they learn more about you and what you want for your birth and what you hope for. Obviously everything can change once you are actually in birth, for example I told my midwife and Justin to not let me push when it comes time to push, I just want my body to get baby out, so they tried to remind me when that time came and I said I don’t care I’m pushing. So- there’s that. If I were to give birth at a hospital, you don’t know the nurse, you might not have your doctore, you don’t get to choose who is there, there might be a million people in the room. I don’t know, I just like it this way

3. Sometimes people ask me how I got my husband on board. As they want a home birth but their husband is not comfortable with it. I didn’t have to do much. He hates hospitals, in fact he gets ill as soon as he walks into one. He also hates needles, so it’s been a good thing I’ve never gotten an epidural and he’s never had to see one! But in all reality, before I decided to do homebirth, I remember talking to my sister-in-law and she was telling me why she does homebirth, and I was like that sounds amazing, but I could never do it. Then when we got married and were expecting our first baby, we just decided to explore that option. We met with our midwifes, I listened to a ton of books, I watched a lot of birth videos on you tube. I learned a lot about birth. And ultimately I felt more comfortable giving birth at home instead of a hospital environment. So if there’s no problems, I like the less invasive, less intervention approach. And I also didn’t realize how much equipment midwives have with them when they come to a birth. Basically the only thing they can’t do is a C-Section, and they have learned a lot of skills to prevent a C-Section in many things that would have automatically been a C-Section in a hospital. So- once we met with them, and we realized how much equipment tools, and skills they have I have felt much safer at home.

4. Giving birth at home places a lot more responsibility on me to take care of myself, and my body. I like this reason of giving birth at home, because I do take a lot of extra measures to take care of myself. I am far from perfect, but if I’m going to be giving birth at home with the idea that I have no complications, I’m going to do everything I can possibly do to have my body the strongest and healthiest for birth, and my body and baby in the best positioning possible. I do a ton of mind work, visualizations, intention setting to get in the right head space and process and fear or anxiety I have about giving birth.  I’m not at all saying you can’t have this mindset if you go to the hospital, I just do think if I didn’t have this perspective when doing a home birth is would be more negligent.

5. A bonus one just because. I like doing things naturally. I like choosing what I want to do and not do. It’s changed throughout my babies and what testing and ultrasounds I’ve done and not done, and I like the freedom of choice to choose what I want to do. I like that my midwives offer me herbal remedies and supplements, they teach me different positioning and stretches to get my baby in the proper position. I can easily get my placenta and having it dehydrated usually by one of the midwives or someone they know, and I’m not at all look at like I’m weird. They trust that your body knows what it’s doing, they trust that you as the birthing mother know how to give birth and they also know very quickly if something is going wrong. But I’ve always been this way, where I tend to do things differently that everyone else, and homebirth is one of them, along with liking things to be natural if possible.

So- what do you think? Do you do home birth? Do you do hospital birth? I want to note here, that I believe the best place to give birth is the place that you feel comfortable at. For some of you, that’s at the hospital, for others, that’s at home or a birth center, or wherever. This is was an episode meant to shame hospital births, but just to share the reason why *I* do homebirths!

As always my friends take care!

If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.