109: Meeting Anxiety Where It’s At With Sandra Hoye

Note : This episode is a Facebook Live Recording on July 20, 2021.

Click here to watch the recording:  https://fb.watch/v/3IRqQ5muo/

In today’s episode, Sandra shares her grieving journey when she had lost her only child, Conor. 

She was devastated,depressed, and fell into great anxiety. She also had a recurrence of her cancer.It took her 4 years to finally accept that his son had passed away. 

She went into different Grief Groups and counselling for support. She then came across  Megan’s Facebook Page (Grieving Moms Coaching and Community) and she realized that anxiety is part of grief. Megan’s courses have served as a roadmap on how to navigate her grief.

Episode Pointers:

• Many things can happen to us physically if we don't address the deep pain that needs to move through, that needs to get out because of it it's an energy that’s stuck.

• Do this ( the work) for yourself or with someone because it will help with your health and well-being.

• As mothers, like no matter what way our child died, we see we have this sense of guilt or sense of responsibility over their death. And that pain is brutal.

• You can get relief from that pain if you do the tools, really and truly you can.

• Grieving might be too overwhelming but it is possible to handle another thing.

• The simple tools ( tapping, meditation, etc.) feels like a life jacket that will help you in facing the different waves of grief.

• We are creating suffering when we are not using clean thoughts.

• Resistance makes it worse.

• The more that you become aware and the more you acknowledge your emotions, it just makes life with your grief so much lighter.

If you want more tools to help you, I have a workshop called Stop Talking Start Feeling, it’s a workshop that dives into emotions, what they are, and how you can begin to feel and process them and get them out of your body instead of stuffing them down. It also goes specifically into processing and releasing the emotions of guilt and sadness. You can get access to this workshop and all the extra things I have in there for only $27. Go to www.stoptalkingstartfeeling.com to check it out. 

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

108 :Allowing Others to Have Their Own Experience

Episode Pointers:

• It’s so painful when someone comes and judges the way you are grieving.

• We all express our grief differently. 

• You can only control how you walk with your grief.

• As soon as you give yourself permission to grieve in the way that’s best for you, you no longer need to try to convince others they are doing it wrong.

• Stop judging yourself, and you will stop judging others.

• It’s amazing how much more compassionate you can be with others, when you give yourself some compassion.

• Protect your energy.

• When you cut out the other things and make space and time for your grief, you will have more space later.

If you want to begin diving into the deep work of holding space for your grief and having more compassion for yourself on your grief journey, I have a mini-program called Stop Talking Start Feeling, that is full of compassion and love. Your grief, your pain, your sadness, exactly where you are at, it’s all welcome here. You do not need to hide, or be happier because you don’t want to be a downer for everyone. You can join this at www.stoptalkingstartfeeling.com

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

107: Processing vs. Resisting Grief

Episode Pointers:

• When you are resisting an emotion, You might use something to try to distract yourself from feeling the pain inside of you.

• Every time you use something to try to get out the emotion and not to feel it, is not processing but it is resisting.

• When you are not processing the emotion it’s almost like you are fighting it. There is a resistance and a struggle. You are thinking of not wanting to feel this pain and wanting to get out as fast as you can.

• Emotions will have their say, and it gets so much easier when I just allow myself to be with it, instead of trying to rush it.

• It can feel daunting and scary. But let me tell you, processing your emotions is a lot easier and better than resisting. Because when you resist it, you are ok for a moment but it comes back again and again. When you process it instead of being a constant cloud over your life, it will be a wave that comes and goes.

What does processing emotion mean?

1. Feeling the emotion in your body and naming it

2. Noticing the physical sensations that the emotion brings to your body

3. Allowing the emotion in without any resistance or hurry to get rid of it

4. Imagining that it’s an energy that flows through your body

5. Noticing the thoughts that are creating this emotion for you

6. Being present with where the emotion shows up in your body and what color it is

7. Being able to know this emotion so well you can describe it to someone else

8. Using tools to soften, shrink, and change the sensations of the emotion to make it lighter

• Our emotions drive our life. so when you are more in the driver seat of your emotions than they are of you, it’s a beautiful thing. 

• Emotions are not as scary as they seem, and you totally have the capacity to sit with them and feel them.

If you want more tools to help you, I have a workshop called Stop Talking Start Feeling, it’s a workshop that dives into emotions, what they are, and how you can begin to feel and process them and get them out of your body instead of stuffing them down. It also goes specifically into processing and releasing the emotions of guilt and sadness. You can get access to this workshop and all the extra things I have in there for only $27. Go to www.stoptalkingstartfeeling.com to check it out. 

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

106: Accepting help

Episode Pointers : 

•  The benefits of allowing others to help is amazing, because that means you can take a step back and take time for yourself to grieve.

• Sometimes you have to find the help so that you can make the time to grieve, because your mental and physical health is so important.

• You don’t need to worry about repaying each person who helped you, but to help others when I have the energy and capacity to do so.

•  If we all help each other when we can, then that’s the repaying part.

• It’s a two way street and to give freely you also need to receive freely.

•   So when you don’t allow others to help you and you don’t receive what they are offering, you are denying them the opportunity to feel good and to help you.

• It’s a beautiful thing to get help. Getting help and allowing others to help you is one of the most courageous things you can do.

I mentioned my 1:1 coaching and group setting a bit earlier- my group is in session now, but if you want to work with me 1:1 and do 2 coaching sessions a month, you can go to www.carryinggriefcoaching.com where you can learn all about it, and if you have any questions, feel free to message me at hello@meganhillukka.com

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

105 : Emotional Eating with Natalie Brown

Episode Pointers:

• Eating when we feel an intense emotion works temporarily. That's why we keep going back to where we started.

• Sometimes, we think our emotions are interconnected with eating. This is the fuel that drives our behavior.

Steps in Dealing with Emotional Eating:

1. Be where you are 

-  Be aware of where you are and recognize your feelings.

2. Meet yourself where you are

- Tell yourself the truth about what you’re feeling and be willing to feel it even for the shortest amount of time.

• Those people who use food as a solution is not really great at feeling their feelings

• There are a lot of great free meditations like Body Scan, that can help you in getting present with yourself.

• In grief, we are sometimes unwilling to feel positive emotions. Try to be open to pleasant emotions, as well as uncomfortable ones.  Feel the peace, contentment, or happiness even just for a minute. Spend time there and recognize what happiness feels like in your body.

• Every emotion goes and comes over and over again.

• Eating unhealthily and saying, “It doesn’t matter “ and “ I deserve this” is a complete lie. What you deserve is to feel good and be healthy.

• Love yourself and accept yourself now.

Reach out to her through her :

Website: www.itbeginswithathought.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/itbeginswithathoughtcoaching
Instagram: www.instagram.com/itbeginswithathoughtcoaching

Podcast: www.itbeginswithathought.com/podcast
Pinterest: www.pinterest.com/itbeginswithathought

Her Favorite Book:
More Than A Body by Dr. Lexie Kite and Dr. Lindsay Kite

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

Some links may contain affiliate links in which I receive a small commission if you decide to purchase something, this helps support the grief work I'm doing.

104 : Boxing Things Up Meditation

For this episode, I want to share with you this meditation that I do in my coaching sessions with other grieving moms.

It is called ‘Boxing Things Up Meditation’ because we somewhat box our thoughts and then we go to a happy place after that.

This is not ignoring or putting them away, but it is to allow yourself to deal with them when you are ready.

Today is the 2nd day of my  Relief in Grief . This is my 3- day workshop that is so fun and I love getting together with the moms who join.We spend time learning, coaching, and talking. It’s never too late to join. Replays are available. You will also get the first access to a new program I am launching soon, The LIFE AFTER CHILD LOSS PROGRAM + COACHING.To register, go to www.reliefingriefsupportgroup.com

If you want more tools to help you, I have a workshop called Stop Talking Start Feeling, it’s a workshop that dives into emotions, what they are, and how you can begin to feel and process them and get them out of your body instead of stuffing them down. It also goes specifically into processing and releasing the emotions of guilt and sadness. You can get access to this workshop and all the extra things I have in there for only $27. Go to www.meganhillukka.com/workshop to check it out. 

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

103: Post Traumatic Growth

Episode Pointers:

• Post Traumatic Growth - It is positive change experienced as a result of the struggle with a major life crisis or a traumatic event. 

5 General Areas of Post Traumatic Growth:

1. Develop a sense that new opportunities have emerged from the struggle.

2. Change in relationships with others.

3. Change is an increased sense of one’s own strength – “If I lived through that, I can face anything”.

4. Have a greater appreciation for life in general.

5. Deepening in spiritual or religious domain.                                                                                        

                                                                 (Source : https://ptgi.uncc.edu/what-is-ptg/)

•  It’s very important to know that not everyone is going to experience post traumatic growth. And if you don’t want to, this is your choice. But I want to encourage you, that just because not everyone experiences it, doesn’t mean that has to be you. 

• I often use this analogy of building a house. When grief comes into your life, your whole house, foundation, everything is shattered. Everything falls apart around you. 

• With Post Traumatic Growth, you have the opportunity to build a more amazing, stronger, more beautiful house. The house might have some cracks, those are like the scars that you have from the things you have experienced, but with scars comes so much strength. 

• But here’s the thing, you have to do the work. Just like building a house is a lot of work. You cannot have that life you want without diving deep into your grief, your thoughts, your emotions, and holding space for all of them without judgement.  

• You get to make this choice. You get to decide.

- What do you want in your life?

- What do you want in your future? 

- Do you want to learn how to live again?

- Do you want to learn from this experience and find some gifts and lessons in it?    

   Or not?

- What do you want?

Struggling with the emotions of anger, guilt, sadness, and anxiety after the death of your child? Come join me and other grieving mothers in a 3-day workshop, Relief in Grief to help you learn how to process the emotions and thoughts that come with grief. This will be on July 14th, 15th, and 16th. You do not need to do this alone, get on the waitlist at www.reliefingriefsupportgroup.com

If you want more tools to help you, I have a workshop called Stop Talking Start Feeling, it’s a workshop that dives into emotions, what they are, and how you can begin to feel and process them and get them out of your body instead of stuffing them down. It also goes specifically into processing and releasing the emotions of guilt and sadness. You can get access to this workshop and all the extra things I have in there for only $27. Go to www.meganhillukka.com/workshop to check it out. 

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

102: Learning to Love Yourself

Episode Pointers:

• Learning to love yourself is not something that happens overnight, but it’s so important.If you want to love others well, you have to learn to love yourself first.

• When you learn to love yourself, you can take care of yourself.You can give love to others without depleting yourself. 

• Oftentimes, we don’t have much compassion for anyone else when we are hurting.The pain is so overwhelming that we can’t connect and get resentful towards others.

• Working with moms has shown me that many are walking around with beliefs like:

- You don’t deserve to be happy.

- You are bad.

- You are not good enough,

- You don’t deserve anything good in your life. 

             These kinds of beliefs are the lens through which you look at your life through.

• When you have these beliefs, you see things differently than if you were looking through a lens of compassion and love for yourself. Looking through different lenses can totally change how you tell your story. ( EP 51 : What Story Are You Telling?)

Ways in Loving Yourself:

1. Loving yourself includes looking through the lens with compassion and understanding that you would give to others in your life if they were going through a similar situation. 

2. Noticing the words that go through your mind as you berate yourself and deciding that you can talk to yourself in a way that you would talk to a friend. 

• Learning to be comfortable with who you are, and loving yourself anyway is a beautiful thing, not a selfish thing.

• When you come from a place of love within yourself, it’s easier to give that love to everyone else around you.

Recommended Book : The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown

Struggling with the emotions of anger, guilt, sadness, and anxiety after the death of your child? Come join me and other grieving mothers in a 3-day workshop, Relief in Grief to help you learn how to process the emotions and thoughts that come with grief. This will be on July 14th, 15th, and 16th. You do not need to do this alone, get on the waitlist at www.reliefingriefsupportgroup.com

If you want more tools to help you, I have a workshop called Stop Talking Start Feeling, it’s a workshop that dives into emotions, what they are, and how you can begin to feel and process them and get them out of your body instead of stuffing them down. It also goes specifically into processing and releasing the emotions of guilt and sadness. You can get access to this workshop and all the extra things I have in there for only $27. Go to www.meganhillukka.com/workshop to check it out. 

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

Some links may contain affiliate links in which I receive a small commission if you decide to purchase something, this helps support the grief work I'm doing.