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Am I still a Mother?

With Mother’s Day coming up, there can be a lot of anxiety and dread to this day. I’ve been thinking about Mother’s Day and what it means to me. I’ve heard many mothers ask- am I still a Mother? Can I still be called a Mother, even if I don’t have a living child. Yes- you are a mother. When we become a mother, we are always a mother no matter what happens.

I have very few pictures of me being Aria's Mom. We have many pictures of her, but hardly any of me with her. That’s something I wish I had more of.

I have very few pictures of me being Aria's Mom. We have many pictures of her, but hardly any of me with her. That’s something I wish I had more of.

I have 4 other children here to care for and “mother”, but that doesn’t mean that as Aria’s mother, I care for her in my heart any less. I do believe that my children are God’s children that he has given to me to care for on this earth. And when he calls them home, that my job as her mother on this earth is finished. But does that mean I don’t yearn to be her mother in my heart? No way! Sometimes people say that “at least she is in Heaven”, and as her mom, I want her to be happy and have no pains or trials, but the other part of me wants her to be here with me. Because where is the most safe place and loving place she can be than in my arms as her mom?

Mother’s day can mean so many things for different people, some don’t care at all about it, and some do. I have always appreciated Mother’s day, because it’s the day for sure that I get to relax, and be waited on, and appreciated for what I do as a Mom. It’s a day where I can be thankful for the children I’ve been given, and thankful that I can be called a mother.

This was taken of Aria a few days before Mother’s Day- she died a few weeks later.

This was taken of Aria a few days before Mother’s Day- she died a few weeks later.

Being a Mom is HARD! We give so much of ourselves to our family and our life revolves around our children and our husband. So when you have lost a child- this stands out very big on Mothers day. That you no longer have this responsibility here to care for and love your child. Even if the physical cares are gone, the emotional and mental weight that is on our hearts is always there. It’s sometimes invisible to others, but ALWAYS there for a grieving mother.

***Have you joined my FREE online workshop? It’s called “Grieve Your Way: 4 powerful lessons when you lose your child”. I’m going to walk through things I’ve learned in my grief, and talk about lies we are told about grief that are not helpful for us. You can join me by clicking HERE ***

I think of my other children here- I want to be fully be present and be their mother as well. I don’t love Aria any more than my other children, but the weight of her loss weighs heavily and constantly when she is gone. So on this Mother’s day, I want to be a Mom for my kids here, but also acknowledge that I’m a mother who has a weight in her heart. While the physical cares of caring for her are gone, the invisible weight that lies around losing a child is there.

Here’s some ideas of ways you can pass Mothers day:

-Stay away from Social Media if Mother’s day greetings are hard for you.

-Find a way to honor your child, or remember them that day- write them a letter, go the the cemetery, do something nice for someone else in their memory.

-Stay home if you need.

-Plan something to do that sounds right for you.

-Go get a massage and take care of yourself in some way.

-If you have other kids, allow them to love and appreciate you as their Mom still

-Acknowledge your loss, and that you are a Mom who has lost a child. This is important. It’s okay to be a Mom to your kids here, and ALSO miss your child who is gone.

-If you do not have any surviving children- REMEMBER you are STILL a mom. Once a mother, always a mother.

-Also- if it’s not a hard holiday for you, it doesn’t HAVE to be a hard holiday. It’s your grief, and you can make the day what it is for you.

Above all- you do what’s right for you. You do NOT need to do anything. You don’t need to acknowledge the day if you don’t want to. Some of us would rather just skip over the day all together, and that’s okay if you decide to do that for yourself.

Thinking of you this Mother’s day- all the love that you have for your child, and all that your child has brought to your life makes you an incredible mother.

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With Mother’s Day coming up, there can be a lot of anxiety and dread to this day. I’ve been thinking about Mother’s Day and what it means to me. I’ve heard many mothers ask- am I still a Mother? Can I still be called a Mother, even if I don’t have a living child. Yes- you are a mother. When we become a mother, we are always a mother no matter what happens.

Megan Hillukka