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09: Building a Beautiful Life With Mental Health Struggles- Julie Lee

mental health talk Julie Lee

So many of us experience mental health struggles, yet we suffer alone and in silence. Julie Lee’s mission is to let others know that they are seen and heard because compassion and connection save lives. In today’s episode, Julie shares with us her journey with her mental health, and how she’s coping and utilizing today to be able to live a functional and happy life. I’m thankful Julie is so open to sharing her story, as I know there are many of you who might be struggling with stigma and shame surrounding what you are experiencing.

We talk about
-Julie's story
-panic attacks
-shame surrounding medication
-ways Julie uses medication along with other things to support her  mental health
podcast I See You and book Broccolipunzle: A Fracture Fairy Tale

Connect with Julie Lee:

www.iseeyoupodcast.com
Instagram: I see you podcast
Facebook: I see you podcast

Her book recommendation:

A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck

Everything about living after losing a child is exhausting. And I don't even feel like I can stop and really grieve my child. I have too many responsibilities and 2 living children who depend on me. I feel like if I stop, I might not be able to go on again. So for now, I will pause (not stop) and cry for my forever 15-month-old.  I wake up every morning so sad. I can't do this anymore I am so sick of feeling like this and now it is making me physically sick. I am mad, hurt, guilt is eating me alive. I am to the point that I just don't know what to do to get that energy back. I don't want to be around people. Everyone else is moving on but me.

Sweet Mama, grief is a painful and isolating journey. Having a place of community with others who understand is so helpful in knowing you are not alone. I want to invite you to a completely free online grief workshop called 3 Pillars to find healing in grief. This is not a workshop that is trying to force joy or happiness on you. This is not a workshop trying to rush or diminish your grief. But we will explore ways of supporting and caring for ourselves with such a painful experience. So come join me on Wednesday, Sept 18th at 5 pm CST. You can register for this free workshop below!

Some links may contain affiliate links in which I receive a small commission if you decide to purchase something, this helps support the grief work I'm doing.


Blog
To Another Grieving Mother
To Another Grieving Mother

There is nothing anyone can say or do to take away the pain you are experiencing. I know the pain deeply of losing my daughter Aria, and I’m so incredibly sorry you know the pain of losing your child. This pain is unlike anything I have ever experienced before. I was told in the beginning, that I have to walk through grief. That I cannot shove it away or hide from it, and I have found that to be so true. I wanted to go to sleep and wake up on the other side of grief, yet- I couldn’t. I knew I had to walk through grief. This is something I would offer to you. Grief does not go away even when we pretend it’s not there. Grief will wait, patiently, until either you choose to face it, or it cannot be held in anymore.

2 Things Grieving Mothers Wish you knew
2 Things Grieving Mothers Wish you knew

When your friend loses their child, it changes many things about them. They lose their innocence and joy of life. Child loss changes their perspective, their emotions, their outlook. It impacts their mental health. Friendships and other relationships can change drastically. The person they once were is gone, right along with their old life. Think of how you are changed and shaped by the events and things that happen in your life, and you will start to understand that your friend is deeply and profoundly changed from the loss of their child.

3 Analogies of Grief That Have Helped Me
3 Analogies of Grief That Have Helped Me

Analogies of grief help me see a bigger picture, and I’ve used a few along the way to help me make sense in my mind what I have been experiencing. Grief is so foreign and unknown in the beginning. I think the reason it’s gotten easier for me, is that I've become more comfortable with my grief. The feelings and emotions that come with it are more familiar. It doesn’t mean it’s so much less painful, but more that it’s become so much a part of me that it’s part of who I am.

How many kids do you have?
How many kids do you have?

How many kids do you have? The dreaded question after you lose a child. There are so many ways to answer this question, and so many things that can pull at your heart. I would have never thought about it before Aria died. That this question of how many kids you have is such a terrible question to answer when you lose a child. I had no idea that such an innocent question can bring up such anguish.

On the Day Aria Died
On the Day Aria Died

I have not written about the day Aria died. Many people do not even know what happened to her, or how she died. I talk a lot about grief, PTSD, and dealing with the aftermath of death. Most of the time, I don’t share much about the day she died. It’s not because I don’t want to share. I think the details and the events surrounding her death and what happened are so traumatic for me, and they might be hard for others to read.

If only...
If only...

How many times have the words “if only” echoed through your mind? Replaying events of your child’s death over and over again. Wondering all the if only’s you can. These questions and anxieties often translate into feelings of guilt, and like we didn’t do enough to save our child.

The Grief Comparison Game
The Grief Comparison Game

There is this little game of who has it worse that always seems to pop up in conversations. Someone says something that is difficult in their life, and another person is like, oh yeah? Wait until you hear how bad I have it. Or else they say, well that’s not so horrible, did you hear about so and so? They have it way worse than you.

It's been 3 years...You're still not over it?
It's been 3 years...You're still not over it?

Have you been asked if you are doing okay yet? Or if you are over it yet? Or when are you going to get back to your normal self?

These questions are painful, and they magnify someone’s ignorance on what it means to lose a child. If you still have living children, are you allowed to talk about them? But if you have a child who is died, you aren’t? They are still very much there in your heart and on your mind, even if their life here on earth has ended. They are almost on your mind more. It’s not that you loved them any more than your other children, but the grief and pain over losing them is so great that is takes a huge hold over your life.

Tomorrow is Not Guaranteed
Tomorrow is Not Guaranteed

I know when you lose a child it can be hard to even fathom the purpose and the why of the reason. Even if you believe this like I do- that things are not in my control, and that Aria’s time on earth was up, and there is nothing I can do to change that- doesn’t mean that I don’t wonder and question why it has to be that way. Why my child? Why was her life cut so short? Why this pain and suffering? How can this be? What’s the purpose in that?

Am I still a Mother?
Am I still a Mother?

With Mother’s Day coming up, there can be a lot of anxiety and dread to this day. I’ve been thinking about Mother’s Day and what it means to me. I’ve heard many mothers ask- am I still a Mother? Can I still be called a Mother, even if I don’t have a living child. Yes- you are a mother. When we become a mother, we are always a mother no matter what happens.

Megan Hillukka