309: The Role of a Mother

309: The Role of a Mother

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

The title may be a little misleading, as I’m not going to get deep into the role of a mother, I do think it depends on each person, and personality, and family. But there is a part of the role of a mother that I want to focus on today.

It has to do with feminine and masculine energy, and how the role of a mother affects the whole household. There’s a reason there’s the saying, a happy wife makes a happy life.

Your energy matters. Your mood matters. Your mental health matters. Your emotional health matters. As the mother, you steer the ship in the mental and emotional health things.

I have gotten very frustrated with this idea. When I'm tired and at my wits end, I don’t want to be the one who is guiding the family. I don’t want to be the one setting the tone of my home. I wish it could be someone else. I wish someone else would have this very large responsibility of creating the safety and peace and the environment in my home that I want, but that sometimes feels difficult to get to.

There’s also been multiple accounts of how any successful man has a woman at home who is supporting him.

I get it, in this day maybe you have a little bit of like, moms and dads should both be helping out. I completely agree. And. I also think there’s this beautiful distinction between men and women, and our roles in our families, and how women do affect the household with their emotional and mental health. Not saying men don’t either, however I’m focusing on the mothers here.

I actually had to look this up as well, just for studies sake, because I wanted to back up this idea that a mothers mental and emotional health is pivotal for the stability of her family and home. 

When I started looking for studies, they are everywhere, of how mothers anxiety can affect her kids, the study Study: The Intergenerational Transmission of Anxiety (Beidel & Turner, 1997)

Found that maternal anxiety increases the risk of anxiety in her children.

A different study Study: The Impact of Maternal Sensitivity and Emotional Availability on Child Well-Being (Sroufe, 2005) found that “The quality of a mother's emotional connection with her child is crucial for healthy emotional and psychological development. Consistent emotional attunement is linked to better self-regulation and emotional intelligence in children”

I share this, because as moms we often put ourselves last. We give and we give and we give until there’s nothing left to give and we snap. And I’m telling you, the most loving thing you can do for your family, your children, your home, is to take care of your emotional and mental health. The impact this has on your children far outweighs any toys you buy, or a clean house, or homemade food. Obviously all of these are good things, but I would argue that your mental and emotional health is one of the most valuable things to take care of as you are raising your family.

So, when it comes to a mothers mood, feelings, all those things, I think of it almost like we set the emotional and energetic thermometer of the house. Have you ever noticed, that if you’re crabby, or short, or something, your kids don’t get easier, they usually get crabby, start fighting more. At least that’s been my experience. And then, if I do something to shift the energy or mood, like shift my mood, and then do something to shift the mood of the house, it can change so quickly. 

I want to touch on feminine energy a little bit. I don’t claim to be an expert in it at all, but as mothers we embody the feminine energy. Feminine energy is often described as a nurturing, receptive, and intuitive force that contrasts with the action-oriented, analytical, and assertive qualities traditionally associated with masculine energy. While both energies exist in everyone regardless of gender, feminine energy emphasizes connection, creativity, and flow. And motherhood is like the epitome of that. 

And when we lean into our intuition in motherhood, and when you care for your own emotions and mental health, then you have more access to that intuition without your mind being so clouded with worry and fears and stresses.

So- all this to say…you are the queen of your house my friend. I have a friend who brought some gifts to a homeschool get together. And one thing she gave us all was a crown. And I don’t remember exactly what she said, but it was something to the effect of, when I have tough days, I remember I’m the daughter of a King, and the Queen of my house.

Maybe I got that all wrong, but your role is very important in your family. You are very important. Even if sometimes you feel like you are failing, or doing it wrong, or messing up, or not good enough. You matter. You are the queen, and your kids want you to take care of you my friend.

Okay, that’s all I have today, see you next week!

If you want to learn more about how you can clear overwhelm more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

308: Staying in Intergrity

308: Staying in Integrity

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

I have been very non committal in my life. I have not wanted to commit to anything because of many reasons, but it’s been hard to commit because maybe it’s the wrong choice, or maybe I won’t feel like doing it when the time comes.

I got a part of this from the book the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I actually don’t quite know what the whole book is about as it kind of went over my head, but I took this one piece away from this book which I’ve noticed more and more that I pay attention and want to stick to what I say and what I commit to.

So- the word that I want to talk about today is integrity. Being in integrity with what you say, with what you commit to and what you are doing.

I’ve thought about it because there’s such a movement to like listen to what you are feeling, and if it’s too much, just back out, or if you don’t want to, then don’t do it.

And with integrity, here’s how I see it. If you said you will do something, you do it. And you maybe be thinking but what if I didnt’ realize I would be so overwhelmed or it would all be too much. This is where really honoring the process of deciding yes and no and what you can commit to or not commit to is a good practice. 

A definition I found of self integrity is this…Self-integrity is all about doing what you've told yourself you're going to do. It's about commitment and holding yourself accountable. And once you get in the habit of keeping your commitments to yourself you'll experience and feel your confidence grow.

But from my understanding, it’s really about doing what you say you are going to do, not only for other people, but mostly for yourself. Because you are the type of person that does what you say you are going to do.

Don’t get me wrong, in ways I do not always do what I say I’m going to do, but I love to have this lens in my mind, and try to pay attention to if I’m going to commit to something, am I fully committed, and willing to do this, or not.

If you have found yourself where there is a pattern of canceling plans last minute, changing your mind last minute. Of course this can happen sometimes, but if you look back on your life and you can see a pattern of this happening again and again, then you are out of integrity.

With what you say you are going to do. And here’s why this is a problem.

For you, it makes you trust yourself less and less. If you say you are going to do something, and then you don’t do it, mind automatically gets it that what you say isn’t true, of value, or needs to be listened to. 

So you are harming your relationships with yourself, your self worth and it just feels terrible to constantly back out of things.

Wait a second. I say it feels terrible. But this is what it may look like. You make plans with a friend, and you agree to get together on this date. As the time approaches, maybe you get anxious, maybe you are feeling overwhelmed, maybe you don’t feel like visiting someone, whatever the feeling or reason is. And you really don’t want to go. And you may fight with yourself a little bit, should I cancel? Should I not? And then when you finally decide to cancel…you might feel relief. So it might actually feel better to cancel. You might be being rewarded to cancel. Because now the anxiety can go away. The overhwhelm can go away, because you no longer have to do that thing.

But again, it’s terrible, because you are harming yourself, and in terms of anxiety, canceling last minute and finding the relief of anxiety for the moment actually only increases anxiety and makes it a bigger problem in your life

Here’s the other part of integrity and not doing what you say you are going to do. I’ve been on the other side of someone canceling on you. It also feels terrible. When I make plans with someone, I create a spot, a space in my day for them. For that time together. I make sure nothing else is planned for that day. And then- they cancel. And if this happens again and again, do you think I want to continue to try to get together with this friend? Not really. I’m not interested in making an effort in a relationship that someone just keeps backing out of and canceling on.

So- when you make a commitment, or a promise to do something, think twice about it. Don’t just make promises and commitments with no thought behind them, thinking you can always change your mind. You can, but it’s better for you, for your relationships if you think about it, and only say yes to things you are actually willing to follow through on.

This is what integrity is. To be your word. To follow through on your word. And if something needs to change, be proactive in your communication.

What do you think? Is integrity something that you can get behind? Are you like whatever Megan, I’m good! Either way is fine with me, I have just found that doing more of what I say I’m going to do, rather than make promises I can’t keep has been better for me and for relationships!

If you could take a moment and go leave a review wherever you are listening from, I would be so grateful. It would give me the boost to get back doing episodes weekly again! I’ve kind of gotten off track with this, as my attention has been focused elsewhere in my business. But I really do enjoy doing this, and I really would appreciate you leaving a review!

Until next week my friends, see you then!

If you want to learn more about how you can clear overwhelm more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.