310: 5 Things I'm Doing in a Really Tough Season

310: 5 Things I’m Doing in a Really Tough Season

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

At the beginning of the year, Justin and I sat down, and had a planning meeting to dream about our year this year. We dreamed, we scheduled, we wrote, and it was so so fun. Little did we know that all our dreaming and planning for this in particular would basically all be turned on its head just a little while later and our life looks nothing like we thought it would at the beginning of the year. It’s been good things and changes, but this year has been incredibly hard.

We’ve been so blessed, and this past year has probably been one of the hardest years in a long time. Especially coming off of the last few years that were so so good. We were literally living our dreams, and then this year has been so challenging. It’s been challenging for our marriage, it’s been challenging for me, and it’s been challenging for Justin. I don’t think the kids have felt it’s challenging, but who knows.

Anyways. I wanted to share some things I’m doing when the season is very hard…yes it’s a season, and I know it is. I don’t know when the season of hardness will end, but I’ve definitely had more darkness in my mind and a heaviness in my life, and it’s  season, but a tough one…that I’m definitely ready for it to be over.

However, since I don’t necessarily have to necessarily choose when it’s over, here are some things I’m doing to make it easier on myself.

1. Doing things I love to do. For me, these are usually sports things, in particular volleyball and pickleball. I absolutely love playing both of those. But getting outside, or somewhere and being able to run and move and laugh. Filling my days with things I love to do even though life in general has been pretty difficult, helps make the days lighter. It can be hard as a mom to get out on your own, or prioritize fun for yourself, but seriously it’s so worth it. I got a gym membership for a few months so I could go to the gym and put the kids in daycare. They also had a hot tub and a sauna which was a major plus for me to just chill.

2. Taking care of my mind. This is probably actually number one for me. Because everything starts within the mind. So I have things that I do every day to care for my mental health and my mind. Keeping my mind clear is a high priority for me. Because I’ve definitely noticed, when I let that slip, or go a while without keeping space for this, things start to spiral or get a lot harder within my own mind. Things I do are different clearings and processes I have in Cleared. My program, silent meditations and just breathing, gratitude and sitting in gratitude for a while, being aware of triggers and things that make me emotional and either doing something to heal the trigger, or process the emotion. This is by far the most beneficial thing I can do for myself is make sure I’m doing what I can to keep my mental health stable, healthy and balanced. Because when that goes down, everything goes down.

3. Just letting myself be. Letting myself be crabby for a bit. Letting myself be grumpy for a bit. Not thinking that I shouldn’t be in a hard season because I am, or thinking that I should be doing it differently than I am, because this is how I am doing it. It’s kind of like an acceptance of what it is. Letting myself feel, letting myself be. And of course doing what I can to make it better, but also just being. With the ups and downs of life. Life is not going to be always easy, and this year again is a reminder for me, just like Aria’s death forced me to face that, but this year is a reminder again, that there are ups and downs, and it’s okay. It’s normal for there to be ups and downs…There is a time and season for everything under the sun as the Bible says. 

4. Finding things to laugh about every day. Mainly my kids, I laugh at or with my kids all day long. My mom has always said, if you just sit and watch kids, they are so funny. And they truly are. My kids make me laugh often, whether it’s my baby or my older kids. I love receiving the joy and laughter they bring me in my life. But in other ways too, wherever I can get a laugh, it’s great. My husband and I often laugh together, it feels like it’s probably been less lately because he’s exhausted and I’m exhausted, but laughter is so healing. So finding whatever ways I can to laugh.

5. And finally, communication with my husband. This is something I think that will always be ongoing in our life and marriage. It’s just a very integral part of marriage, being able to communicate with each other. Like I said earlier, this year has been very challenging on our marriage, and thus there have been times when there is a breakdown in communication, or we misunderstand each other, or we have lots of arguments. But the whole point is to connect, chat, work through, and process through it together. What I’ve found is that one thing I’ve gotten better at, which I can still keep practicing at, is not blaming Justin for everything. When we communicate and talk, how I will share, or try to share what’s going on with me is something like this- this is from a specific memory I have that I’m trying to share about- it was something like this is how I feel, but I’m not blaming you, or that it’s your fault, I know this is my thing I need to process and work through, but this is what I’m dealing with and working through. I wouldn’t say all conversations go like that, and not even like that exactly, but instead of pitting against each other, just sharing honestly what’s going on, with the idea that you are both working together and trying to get on the same page. Communication is seriously everything. So that’s been challenging this year, and something we’ve needed to continue to work on.

There you have it, my 5 things I’m doing in a very challenging year thus far. I will be happy when the clouds lift and there’s a lighter season in our life, but for now, I’m super grateful for the tools and skills I have and have learned that I truly believe make this 100 times easier than it otherwise would be.

If you haven’t heard, Cleared. Is open for enrollment with a 50% off for a few days. Inside Cleared. You will find everything you need to heal and clear anxiety and triggers at the root level. This means that instead of just managing or covering up the symptoms of anxiety, you learn how to go to the root and pluck it out, so the anxiety can go bye bye. It also contains so many tools that I personally use to keep my mind Clear and my body calm. Go learn more about it at www.meganhillukkacoaching.com/join It’s only available at the promotion rate until Tuesday at midnight!

Until next week my friends! Take care

If you want to learn more about how you can clear overwhelm more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

309: The Role of a Mother

309: The Role of a Mother

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

The title may be a little misleading, as I’m not going to get deep into the role of a mother, I do think it depends on each person, and personality, and family. But there is a part of the role of a mother that I want to focus on today.

It has to do with feminine and masculine energy, and how the role of a mother affects the whole household. There’s a reason there’s the saying, a happy wife makes a happy life.

Your energy matters. Your mood matters. Your mental health matters. Your emotional health matters. As the mother, you steer the ship in the mental and emotional health things.

I have gotten very frustrated with this idea. When I'm tired and at my wits end, I don’t want to be the one who is guiding the family. I don’t want to be the one setting the tone of my home. I wish it could be someone else. I wish someone else would have this very large responsibility of creating the safety and peace and the environment in my home that I want, but that sometimes feels difficult to get to.

There’s also been multiple accounts of how any successful man has a woman at home who is supporting him.

I get it, in this day maybe you have a little bit of like, moms and dads should both be helping out. I completely agree. And. I also think there’s this beautiful distinction between men and women, and our roles in our families, and how women do affect the household with their emotional and mental health. Not saying men don’t either, however I’m focusing on the mothers here.

I actually had to look this up as well, just for studies sake, because I wanted to back up this idea that a mothers mental and emotional health is pivotal for the stability of her family and home. 

When I started looking for studies, they are everywhere, of how mothers anxiety can affect her kids, the study Study: The Intergenerational Transmission of Anxiety (Beidel & Turner, 1997)

Found that maternal anxiety increases the risk of anxiety in her children.

A different study Study: The Impact of Maternal Sensitivity and Emotional Availability on Child Well-Being (Sroufe, 2005) found that “The quality of a mother's emotional connection with her child is crucial for healthy emotional and psychological development. Consistent emotional attunement is linked to better self-regulation and emotional intelligence in children”

I share this, because as moms we often put ourselves last. We give and we give and we give until there’s nothing left to give and we snap. And I’m telling you, the most loving thing you can do for your family, your children, your home, is to take care of your emotional and mental health. The impact this has on your children far outweighs any toys you buy, or a clean house, or homemade food. Obviously all of these are good things, but I would argue that your mental and emotional health is one of the most valuable things to take care of as you are raising your family.

So, when it comes to a mothers mood, feelings, all those things, I think of it almost like we set the emotional and energetic thermometer of the house. Have you ever noticed, that if you’re crabby, or short, or something, your kids don’t get easier, they usually get crabby, start fighting more. At least that’s been my experience. And then, if I do something to shift the energy or mood, like shift my mood, and then do something to shift the mood of the house, it can change so quickly. 

I want to touch on feminine energy a little bit. I don’t claim to be an expert in it at all, but as mothers we embody the feminine energy. Feminine energy is often described as a nurturing, receptive, and intuitive force that contrasts with the action-oriented, analytical, and assertive qualities traditionally associated with masculine energy. While both energies exist in everyone regardless of gender, feminine energy emphasizes connection, creativity, and flow. And motherhood is like the epitome of that. 

And when we lean into our intuition in motherhood, and when you care for your own emotions and mental health, then you have more access to that intuition without your mind being so clouded with worry and fears and stresses.

So- all this to say…you are the queen of your house my friend. I have a friend who brought some gifts to a homeschool get together. And one thing she gave us all was a crown. And I don’t remember exactly what she said, but it was something to the effect of, when I have tough days, I remember I’m the daughter of a King, and the Queen of my house.

Maybe I got that all wrong, but your role is very important in your family. You are very important. Even if sometimes you feel like you are failing, or doing it wrong, or messing up, or not good enough. You matter. You are the queen, and your kids want you to take care of you my friend.

Okay, that’s all I have today, see you next week!

If you want to learn more about how you can clear overwhelm more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

308: Staying in Intergrity

308: Staying in Integrity

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

I have been very non committal in my life. I have not wanted to commit to anything because of many reasons, but it’s been hard to commit because maybe it’s the wrong choice, or maybe I won’t feel like doing it when the time comes.

I got a part of this from the book the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I actually don’t quite know what the whole book is about as it kind of went over my head, but I took this one piece away from this book which I’ve noticed more and more that I pay attention and want to stick to what I say and what I commit to.

So- the word that I want to talk about today is integrity. Being in integrity with what you say, with what you commit to and what you are doing.

I’ve thought about it because there’s such a movement to like listen to what you are feeling, and if it’s too much, just back out, or if you don’t want to, then don’t do it.

And with integrity, here’s how I see it. If you said you will do something, you do it. And you maybe be thinking but what if I didnt’ realize I would be so overwhelmed or it would all be too much. This is where really honoring the process of deciding yes and no and what you can commit to or not commit to is a good practice. 

A definition I found of self integrity is this…Self-integrity is all about doing what you've told yourself you're going to do. It's about commitment and holding yourself accountable. And once you get in the habit of keeping your commitments to yourself you'll experience and feel your confidence grow.

But from my understanding, it’s really about doing what you say you are going to do, not only for other people, but mostly for yourself. Because you are the type of person that does what you say you are going to do.

Don’t get me wrong, in ways I do not always do what I say I’m going to do, but I love to have this lens in my mind, and try to pay attention to if I’m going to commit to something, am I fully committed, and willing to do this, or not.

If you have found yourself where there is a pattern of canceling plans last minute, changing your mind last minute. Of course this can happen sometimes, but if you look back on your life and you can see a pattern of this happening again and again, then you are out of integrity.

With what you say you are going to do. And here’s why this is a problem.

For you, it makes you trust yourself less and less. If you say you are going to do something, and then you don’t do it, mind automatically gets it that what you say isn’t true, of value, or needs to be listened to. 

So you are harming your relationships with yourself, your self worth and it just feels terrible to constantly back out of things.

Wait a second. I say it feels terrible. But this is what it may look like. You make plans with a friend, and you agree to get together on this date. As the time approaches, maybe you get anxious, maybe you are feeling overwhelmed, maybe you don’t feel like visiting someone, whatever the feeling or reason is. And you really don’t want to go. And you may fight with yourself a little bit, should I cancel? Should I not? And then when you finally decide to cancel…you might feel relief. So it might actually feel better to cancel. You might be being rewarded to cancel. Because now the anxiety can go away. The overhwhelm can go away, because you no longer have to do that thing.

But again, it’s terrible, because you are harming yourself, and in terms of anxiety, canceling last minute and finding the relief of anxiety for the moment actually only increases anxiety and makes it a bigger problem in your life

Here’s the other part of integrity and not doing what you say you are going to do. I’ve been on the other side of someone canceling on you. It also feels terrible. When I make plans with someone, I create a spot, a space in my day for them. For that time together. I make sure nothing else is planned for that day. And then- they cancel. And if this happens again and again, do you think I want to continue to try to get together with this friend? Not really. I’m not interested in making an effort in a relationship that someone just keeps backing out of and canceling on.

So- when you make a commitment, or a promise to do something, think twice about it. Don’t just make promises and commitments with no thought behind them, thinking you can always change your mind. You can, but it’s better for you, for your relationships if you think about it, and only say yes to things you are actually willing to follow through on.

This is what integrity is. To be your word. To follow through on your word. And if something needs to change, be proactive in your communication.

What do you think? Is integrity something that you can get behind? Are you like whatever Megan, I’m good! Either way is fine with me, I have just found that doing more of what I say I’m going to do, rather than make promises I can’t keep has been better for me and for relationships!

If you could take a moment and go leave a review wherever you are listening from, I would be so grateful. It would give me the boost to get back doing episodes weekly again! I’ve kind of gotten off track with this, as my attention has been focused elsewhere in my business. But I really do enjoy doing this, and I really would appreciate you leaving a review!

Until next week my friends, see you then!

If you want to learn more about how you can clear overwhelm more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.